The Prince
by Bella Kundu
Summary: What will happen when Snape and James end up in detention together? AU.
1. Quidditch

Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling, I am merely borrowing her creations. I own nothing. At points in the story I may phrase things in ways that are similar to or the same as parts of the Harry Potter books and movies, I do not own that either.

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**Quidditch**

The Quidditch match was tied, and Severus Snape watched intently as James Potter maneuvered deftly through all the Slytherin defenses. Across the field's large expanse, beyond the set of three golden hoops, sat the Gryffindor House. It was raining, and Severus impatiently pushed his wet, greasy, black hair out of his eyes. Through the fortress of grey thunderheads, all that could be seen of Potter was a shapeless figure, and the fluttering ends of his scarf as he pursued the tiny Snitch. Every once in a while an anxious gasp rose from the stands when a flash of gold whizzed through the sky, but for the majority of the match, the Snitch had been determinedly elusive. The rain obscured the view of the spectators, and an excited murmur rose from both Houses as James disappeared into the clouds. A moment later, he reemerged with a triumphant shout, and dove towards the ground, the Snitch struggling helplessly against his grasp. In an instant, the Gryffindor House erupted in a mass of cheering burgundy and gold that surrounded Potter, congratulating him enthusiastically. Severus stalked angrily across the castle grounds, but as he passed the slowly emptying Quidditch field, he caught sight of James and his three faithful sidekicks, still exulting over their victory. James ran his fingers through his hair to tousle it, and Snape turned furiously away, seething with disgust.

Snape saw waves of bright red hair in his peripheral vision, and turned to find Lily Evans walking briskly towards him. "Don't be disappointed, Sev, the Slytherin House isn't disqualified from the finals yet. Besides, you're already better off than us on winning the House Cup." He tried to smile pleasantly at her, but Snape's expression was more of a desperate grimace than a friendly greeting. She patted him on the shoulder encouragingly. "Besides, it doesn't really matter anyway. There's always next year, and all the Quidditch players are conceited and not worth the effort of getting mad at." She turned and glanced pointedly across the grounds towards James. He caught her eye, and, misinterpreting her attentions, threw a wink in her direction.

"Then why do you spent so much time with his _werewolf_ chum, Lily?" Severus spat out the sentence like an accusation, and looked sullenly over at the short boy with the scarred face who trotted alongside Sirius, Peter, and James.

"You can't know that he's a werewolf, Sev. I'm not going to give up a friend because you've made a claim without solid proof that's bias - "

"I _do _have solid proof, if only you'd listen for just once! Every month, every _full moon,_ the wolf leaves! They think nobody notices the four of them creeping out of the castle. He's a danger to everybody here, and you shouldn't be hanging around with him," Snape was shouting now.

"I think I can manage to take care of myself. If Remus was a threat to any of the students, Dumbledore wouldn't allow him to be here. And even if he is a werewolf, he's not like the others. He's nice and sweet, once you get to know him."

Before Snape could offer his rebuttal, they heard footsteps behind them, and turned to face Potter and his friends. Instead of quickly turning away and retreating as he usually did, Severus stepped forwards, emboldened by his anger. "Hey there, Evans! What was that you were just saying, that I'm nice and sweet? How endearing." James said brightly, throwing her a charming grin. "I heard Snivelly here shouting at you, and thought I could, ya know, break up the fight. It'd be a pleasure to hex him, if you'd like.."

"This is exactly what I mean, Lily," Snape retorted, still engrossed in their discussion. "Look at them, they're all disgusting. Potter is an egotistical jerk, and his sidekick is no better. Peter's such a cowardly rat, the way he follows them around like they're two gods. And Lupin is a good for nothing were -"

"_Expelliarmus!_" James voice cut through the air like a knife. Snape's wand went flying into Potter's outstretched hand.

But before he could utter another, more cruel curse, Lilly franticly began to scream, "No, James, don't! Please, he didn't mean it, he wasn't thinking"

"Well, then, Snivellus is just going to have to think a little harder before he decides to accuse one of my best friends of something he knows absolutely nothing about, won't you, Snivelly?" Snape glared defiantly back at James. "Won't you, you pitiful little Syltherin?" C'mon, answer me," James taunted. And then under his breath, he whispered, "_Muffliato_." Snape struggled to respond, to break through the curse, as the one-sided interview commenced again, "Hmm, you Slytherins are just a bit insolent. Dirty, too. Greasy hair, unkempt clothes. You're not presentable at all. Let's give him a bath, and then perhaps we'll teach him a thing or two about manners. _Aguamenti!_" A strong jet of cold water blsted against Severus, the force of the spray making him take a step backwards. Lilly, hating to watch them fight, and yet reluctant to break any rules by joining the turmoil, pressed her wand into Severus's hand, and, with an apologetic glance, slipped away to observe from a distance. Snape, still unable to speak, thought "_Accio wand_," as hard as he could, flourishing Lily's wand, and his own wand was quickly returned to him. Just as he was about to hex James back, a long shadow fell across the two dueling boys. Severus and James both looked up into the ominously sinister face of Filch.

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A/N: This is my first fanfiction. I hope you like it. Please review; I appreciate any kind of feedback.


	2. Potions Partners

**Potions Partners**

"Well, well, well," chuckled Filch grimly, a malicious grin twisting his face, "Pottter and Snape dueling, wouldn't you know it. You know fighting isn't permitted. It appears I'll have to punish you, won't I? What's an appropriate punishment for young wizards who break the rules, mmm? Detention, the two of you. Forbidden Forest. Evening, on the day after tomorrow. And don't let me catch you at it again. The consequences for any more misbehavior will be much, much worse, I promise." The two boys stared in horror at Argus Filch's retreating figure.

"Now you've done it, Snivellus," snapped James, "you've gone and earned me a detention! We'll get you back for this, don't worry." He stalked angrily away, his trio of chums following.

Lily stepped forward and took her wand back, her face apologetic. "Sev, I'm so sorry. I should have made James stop."

Severus gazed admiringly at Lily, and was painfully aware of his wet clothes and dripping hair. "No, you shouldn't have. It doesn't matter. I'm fine. Really. I just -" Snape broke off mid sentence, not knowing what to say. It did matter, and he wasn't fine, but of course Lily would blame herself. She always blamed herself. "Look, Lily, I'm going to the common room. I have things to do, homework, and… um… you know." It was a weak excuse to leave, but Lily just nodded, and Severus tried not to run as he fled to the castle.

Snape couldn't find peace even in his own Slytherin common room. It seemed to Severus that no matter who he was with, he was shunned by the other students, either because of rivalry between Houses, his poverty, his being a studious bookworm, or simply because everybody, regardless of their House, followed the lead of popular James Potter in tormenting him. Hogwarts was, at least, better than being at home, which was hardly a true home to him, merely a house, and after all, Lily was at Hogwarts, too. Lily, who was really Severus's only friend. In his dormitory, Severus drifted of to sleep with his _Hogwarts, a History_ book in his hands, dreaming of a girl with long red hair and bright green eyes.

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It was a relief to be in Potions class the next morning. Potions was something that Snape was really _good _at, something that he loved to do… until Professor Slughorn, in an attempt to let the students in different Houses spend time together, assigned the Slytherins to partner up with the Gryffindors. Snape stood, his hands behind his back, and his back against a wall, watching as all the students quickly paired up, the soft hum of conversation filling the room. Finally, there was nobody left to partner with besides the dimunitive, slim figure standing alone in the center of the room. Remus Lupin. Severus could understand why the small, shy boy didn't have a partner; he was the strange student who disappeared regularly, and quite often, but for seemingly insignificant and varying reasons. Maybe the others didn't know what the Lupin boy was, but they sensed the difference and moved instinctually away. It was almost - Severus felt a slight pang of lonesomeness as he realized this, not for the first time - _almost_ like how his classmates avoided him. _Doesn't matter, doesn't matter,_ Snape reminded himself as he slowly crossed the room towards Remus, who still stood awkwardly at his desk, alone. _Like a lone wolf, _thought Snape, and he half smiled at his own pun. But his quick, rare grin quickly turned down into a scowl as Lupin's face lit up in response, supposing that Severus's smile was intended to be one of welcome and acceptance. Seeing his mistake, the boy blushed, and, muttering something incoherently, turned toward the storage room to get the ingredients for the potion. Serverus found himself feeling odd, almost… remorseful… about how he treated Remus. _No, _Snape shook his head, _it must be pity. _He wanted to say something kind to Lupin, not for Remus's benefit, he reminded himself, but so that his conscience would shut up and give him some peace of mind. All the other groups, however, had already begun mixing their potions, and there would not be time for any casual conversation. It would take long enough just by being partnered with a stupid werewolf, and the potion was one of the more difficult ones, even for Snape's superior skill. Of course he'd read about it in _Advanced Potion-Making_ but Severus couldn't be sure of himself until he began to make the potion. Snape bent over the textbook, and began preparing the ingredients: two roots of this plant, finely chopped, one-third of a vial of the essence of spider venom…

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It turned out, Severus realized, walking back to the Common Room, that making the potion hadn't been so bad, after all. It was simple, really, once you understood the fundamental concepts. And, surprisingly, Lupin had kept up perfectly, doing his share and even explaining the few parts Severus had trouble with. Odd, that werewolves could be intelligent. Of course, Remus was probably an exception, always walking around with his nose buried in a book. His behavior was again, Snape noticed, not unlike himself. However, Severus's peace was shattered when Potter appeared out of nowhere, and grabbed him by the neck of his cloak. "You filthy, pathetic wizard!" James shouted. "Do you even know when the detention that you landed us in is?"

"Tomorrow… isn't it? What's wrong with that?" Snape asked, attempting in vain to make sense of James's tirade. He had seen James insulted, taunting, irritated… but not like this.

"_Everything_ is wrong with that! _Everything!_ But of course _you_ wouldn't know, of course all _you _care about is your silly books! Are you even aware that my biggest Quidditch match of the season is tomorrow, during the detention that you got me into? Of course you wouldn't. We're going to lose, there's no reserve seeker! You, you…" James broke off, out of breath, his face flushed with rage, unable to find a word bad enough to describe Snape's offence. He shoved Severus backwards roughly. But, instead of tumbling onto the stone floor, Snape was caught from behind. He looked at the hands supporting him, and was surprised to see that the cuffs of the owner's sleeves were of the gold and red of Gryffindor.

"James? James, calm down," Sirius Black was saying. "It isn't really Snivellus - er, I mean Severus's - fault. You were the one who, sort of, you know, started it." Snape expected James to argue, but he just nodded brusquely, and strode away. "I'm really sorry about that," Sirius now addressed Snape, "It's just… you know… Quidditch matters to him a lot. More than he lets it seem. It's not all about being the popular Quidditch player. It's a lot more than that… once you get to know him. Please try to understand…?" Sirius smiled, a genuine smile, one from a friend to a friend. Severus was shocked that Sirius, that Potter's best friend, was apologizing to him. It didn't make sense. And it seemed that the last sentence was more of a request, not an excuse or explanation. As if they could ever be friends, as if they could ever get to know each other.

"Friends…"sighed Snape under his breath as Sirius walked away. It would indeed be nice to have friends, to be able to understand as Black had asked him to. But it wouldn't happen, not with James, who hated him so much. The more he thought about it, the kinder James's chums seemed to be, especially Black. And even the werewolf wasn't so bad. But with James, a truce could never be possible. James was fiercely loyal to those he trusted… and fiercely cruel to those he didn't. Severus tried to push the thoughts out of his mind. After all, it didn't matter. But the conflict in his mind remained, and the longer it did, the more Severus realized that some things truly _did _matter.

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A/N: I'm sorry if Sirius is a bit out of character in this. I know that a lot of people view Sirius (as a child) as a carefree boy who just wants to prank people and make jokes, but as an adult it seems to me that at times he's very sincere and sensitive and perceptive, so I wanted to reflect that side of him as a child, too. But sorry if that bothers you. Please review!


	3. The Library

**The Library**

It was the next day, and Severus was in the library, studying for Defense Against the Dark Arts. It was his favourite subject, even though all his teachers agreed that Snape's true skill lay in his natural capability with potions. Severus loved nothing better than to be in the warm library, always smelling of old books and wet, fresh ink, with the ever-present sound of quills scratching against parchment. He bent over his book, his long, thin nose near the parchment, and his greasy hair falling across his pale, sallow cheek and onto the page. But it was hard for Snape to concentrate when he thought of the detention in the Forbidden Forest looming ahead that afternoon. He'd never had a detention before, and it was horribly shameful. At first he was fearful and reluctant to face the evening in the forest, but by then in mid-morning, Severus's feelings had shifted to a miserable longing to be done and over with the ordeal.

He looked up, breaking from his reverie, when the door to the library creaked open, and Snape watched James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter file in. He examined their countenances; the four Marauders were accustomed to detentions, and Severus thought it odd that James, for once in his life, appeared downcast and quiet. Sirius, too, was silent, which was even more rare than James's sincerity. His face was sympathetic, and he walked close next to James. Remus was always more reserved than the other three, and his behavior was not altered, save the frequent glances he cast anxiously up at James's face, which was tight and withdrawn. Peter, however, hurried eagerly behind James and Sirius, and could not seem to realize that the others did not wish to caper around playing pranks and making mischief. Severus was never a conspicuous child, and it was all too easy for him to slip behind a bookcase and watch the Marauders. Snape scorned James and his friends, but after what Sirius had said to him last night, he could not help but wonder what they were like with one another, when they weren't trying to be the popular group of Gryffindors, but were just being friends, and when his own judgment wasn't clouded with resentment.

James sat down at a table nearby, dropping his chin onto his hand, and pushing his other hand across his black hair. The gesture did not annoy Severus as it had after the fateful Quidditch match; it seemed to be merely a weary, impatient movement, not an attempt to tousle his hair into appearing wind-blown and casual. Sirius leaned closer towards James, their two heads bent together, and spoke softly, his normally rowdy voice now too soft to reach Snape's ears. Severus was relieved; he did not want to eavesdrop, just to watch. Lupin seated himself across from the two best friends, with his back facing Snape, and quickly opened a book. Snape's mouth twisted into a half-smile; he really did have something in common with the werewolf. He'd never really bothered to pay attention to the Marauders unless they were teasing him, and now he was noticing things that should have been obvious. They were not all like James as he had assumed. Peter was worse; he had not the patience to sit quietly as the others did, but fidgeted for a few minutes, and then rose and left. Black and Lupin, however, remained faithfully by James's side, Remus busily flipping through pages of homework, and Sirius gazing off into the distance. James had a book open before him, but it was all too clear that he was not really seeing what was on the pages. Snape, deciding that there was nothing more to watch, and disgusted with himself both for being so nosy and intrusive, and for lowering himself to the point of eavesdropping on the Marauders, turned to go back to his own table. However, he tripped on the corner of the bookshelf, and the sound was amplified in the silence of the library. Two of the Marauders did not notice, but Sirius glanced away from the window, and caught sight of Severus. Their eyes met, and Sirius's flashed merrily, almost like a greeting. Severus froze in horror as Sirius turned to James. Potter was already angry enough, he didn't want yet another confrontation before their detention together. But James's face did not change, he simply nodded, and Sirius stood up, beginning to walk towards Snape's bookcase. Snape shrank back against the high rows of books.

"Hello, Sniv- uh, Snape. Found anything good to read?" Sirius's voice was sarcastic, he knew that Snape hadn't been picking out books. _But he's not angry,_ realized Severus with surprise. Stepping out towards Black, Severus tried to discreetly see if James was looking at them. "Don't worry about him," assured Sirius, "he's in his own world, he won't pay us any attention, and I'm not here to hex you. In case you haven't noticed, I'm not James. I just wanted to talk, and it looked like you did, too. James isn't very conversational today."

"Because of his Quidditch match, right? I _am_ sorry that he has to miss it. But that doesn't mean it's my fault, he the one who-"

"Sure, I know it isn't." Sirius shrugged, and Snape saw that he didn't need to defend himself. "But," grinned Sirius, "you aren't much more talkative than he was." Sirius's brow wrinkled, and he appeared to be trying to recollect something. Then comprehension smoothed the features of his face, and his expressive eyes lit up with understanding. "This is your first detention, isn't it? Of course it is. Aw, don't worry. I remember Remus's first. He acted a lot like you. But he survived it. And he's the perfect _prefect_." Severus was still apprehensive, but with Sirius there, the atmosphere was just the slightest bit lighter. He was able to smile in return. And, standing there, Sirius laughing _with_ him, not at him, Severus came to a decision. His face grew sincere.

"About Remus… I know what he is. And I'm not going to tell anyone now. I did tell someone, though, before…" Snape trailed off as he saw Sirius become tense, his mouth tightening into a hard line.

"Who?" Sirius asked tersely.

"Lily Evans. I think she believes me, even though she won't say so. But it doesn't matter to her. She honestly doesn't care. And I - I don't care either."

Snape was expecting anger, after all, he'd spilled Lupin's secret, and if the Marauders were anything, they were faithful to their friends. But he wasn't prepared for Sirius to reach out and take hold of his shoulders firmly. It was too late to pull away, to flinch out from underneath Black's tight grasp. But then Severus looked up into Sirius's face, and saw that he was beaming. "You mean it? You really mean it?" Sirius asked excitedly, amazed.

"I do," assured Severus, relieved that Sirius wasn't mad at all, and ecstatic that Sirius was _glad_, glad that they could be friends now. "Does that mean you won't hate me anymore, now that I don't hate you and your friends? Would they ever give me a chance to get to know them?"

"I never hated you. And Remus doesn't, either. But James… he'll be pleased, of course, that you won't tell about Moony, but what James has against you is something else entirely." Sirius stopped, suddenly hesitant.

"What is it?"

"James has a crush on Evans. Or perhaps it's a lot more than a crush. But Lily entirely ignores him, and she's best friends with you. James is infatuated with her; you can't even imagine how much he loves her. How can you blame him for being envious?"

"Envious? Of me?" asked Severus, bewildered and incredulous, thinking of how he _could_ understand how much James loved the girl - because he loved kind, sweet Lily Evans, too. "Lily and I… we're just friends. That's all. James doesn't need to envy _me_." Severus admitted, hoping that Sirius didn't hear the touch of disappointment in his voice as he spoke.

But Sirius was too perceptive, too alert, and too kind to not notice Snape's embarrassment and discomfort. He quickly shifted the focus of the conversation away. "That's why James is so quiet, though. It's not really the Quidditch match that's the problem. Lily asked him not to hex you, and he didn't listen - he feels guilty." Snape raised an eyebrow skeptically. The idea of James being guilty about anything was foreign to him. Sirius sighed impatiently. "I told you yesterday, James is different when you get to know him. It may not look like it, but there are actually things that he cares about. But he's probably wondering where I've gotten to. I told him I was going to look for a book on, um -" Sirius glanced up at the sign over the bookshelf, "- the Unforgivable Curses. I'd like to talk to you again later today, though. Would you meet me outside, this afternoon?" Snape nodded eagerly. He was grateful to be able to spend these especially tedious hours of waiting with somebody else. He knew that Lily would have kept him company if he asked, but he didn't want to seem like a weakling, always running to her when something went wrong. "Alright. See you later, then, _Sev_," grinned Sirius.

Snape hesitated a moment, then blurted out, "Bye, Padfoot!" Sirius laughed and winked. As he walked away, Snape was happier than he'd been in a while. It was good to be able to look forward to an afternoon with Sirius Black.

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A/N: Reviews mean the world to me, I'd love to know what you think.


	4. Teamwork

**Teamwork**

Severus leaned against a bench in the small courtyard outside Hogwarts, waiting for Sirius. It was just after lunch, and the sun was hot upon Snape's black clothes. Sirius hadn't arrived yet, and Snape was beginning to wonder if this was just another trick that the Marauders were playing on him to make him act the fool. But before long, a tall, thin figure appeared, walking briskly towards the courtyard. Severus ran forward to greet Sirius. "You came!"

"'Course I came. What'd you expect? Remus should be here in a minute, he's getting extra books to study for a test. As though he won't already do better than any of us. Except you, maybe. Moony'll have his work cut out to beat you in a test."

Severus happily realized that he was now included in the "us," but his shock at the mention of Remus stifled his joy. "But… why is Remus coming? Not that I object, of course," Snape was quick to add.

"Because Moony doesn't hate you either, and we're both going to the Forbidden Forest with you and James tonight. Detention is hardly as bad when you've got a couple friends with you. Don't worry, we've got the invisibility cloak," explained Sirius when he saw Severus about to protest that it would be impossible to join him in detention with Filch there. "After all, if we can sneak off with Remus every full moon, it'll be easy to go unnoticed into the Forbidden Forest." Sirius pulled the cloak from under his robes triumphantly. They sat on a bench to wait for Remus.

"What about Pettigrew?" wondered Snape aloud, "Will he be there, too?"

"No. Peter says that James won't want us there with you, and he's right. It doesn't make any difference, though. Frankly, I haven't got the patience for him. All he ever wants to do is follow us around like we're idols or something. It gets annoying after a while. But here's Moony now," said Sirius, turning to face the sound of Remus's steps on the stone path.

Severus was amused to see Remus laden with thick books, and wondered if that was how he himself looked when he often brought his favourite books from class to class. Remus carried two books under one arm, and the other hand held open a third, which he was reading as he slowly approached. The books looked too big for the small boy, and Snape, wanting to make amends for his unfair prejudice right away, shyly asked, "Want a hand carrying those? _Wingardium Leviosa_," and the stack under Remus's arm rose and floated to the bench. Remus looked up and smiled. He seemed rather nervous, and Severus guiltily guessed that he was the reason. After all, how many times, when the Marauders were teasing him, had he threatened Remus with blackmail? Snape knew that of the four, Remus was the only one who never goaded James on, but the fact that he took his resentment out only upon the werewolf had never pricked his conscience until now.

"Thanks. So, have you got the cloak?" asked Lupin.

"Of course I did. I had to steal some Felix Felicis from the Potions storeroom, though. I never would've been able to get the cloak otherwise," replied Sirius. "James would guard his precious Deathly Hallow with his life. And who wouldn't? It's gotten us into and out of quite a bit of trouble," Sirius smiled, looking fondly at the silvery folds of fabric that he'd drawn from beneath his cloak.

"But doesn't James know you're all going to be there?" wondered Snape aloud, surprised that Sirius wouldn't have told this to his best friend.

"James has enough on his mind. He went off to find a reserve Seeker for tonight's Quidditch match, and that's the last we've seen of him today."

"Enough small talk," interrupted Sirius, excited by anticipation of the adventure close at hand. "So here's what we'll do. You and James will leave with Filch, and we'll be following right behind. Filch hates the Forbidden Forest as much as anybody, so he'll probably give you something to do there and then just leave. Then out comes Moony and me, and we can help you finish whatever Filch instructs you to do, and get out of there as fast as we can."

"And James won't be mad when he sees that you're friends with me now?" Severus pointed out, clearly doubtful that Sirius's plan wouldn't end in catastrophe.

"James'll be angry, but he'll get over it. He'll have to, eventually," Padfoot answered, obviously unconcerned.

"Thank you for everything. I don't know why you're doing this, but I appreciate it." Severus's gratitude was plain in his voice.

"Of course," answered Remus and Sirius together. "We don't mind," continued Remus, "What else are friends for?"

"Absolutely," Sirius agreed with enthusiasm, "What would I do without all of you to put me in danger?" the three of them all laughed at the irony of the situation, at the nature of events that had drawn them together.

Suddenly there was a flash of deep red hair, and Lily Evans threw her arms around Severus's neck, her face fairly glowing with running. Snape gasped in surprise, and leaned back awkwardly, while Sirius and Remus unsuccessfully tried to turn their amused chuckles into coughs. "I've been looking _everywhere_ for you!" she exclaimed. What are you going to do in detention? Do you know yet? You need to find out, to be prepared. Here -" she held out a thin paperback book, "here's an encyclopedia of all the dangerous creatures in the Forbidden Forest, and how to fight them off. It'll be very useful. You can probably read through most of it's time to- to go-" Lily faltered and grew silent, having noticed the other two. She looked up from Severus's face to that of Sirius, then Remus, then back to Snape, and finally to Remus again. "Hi, Remy," she said weakly. "So… what are you all doing here?"

Sirius grinned at her confusion. "We're discussing with Severus how we're going to come with him and James into the Forest."

"But that's dangerous, and it's breaking multiple rules and - _Why _are you going with him?" Lily glanced questioningly at Snape, then turned her attention to the other's again.

"To get him out of there all the faster, of course," Remus explained easily.

"We want to help," added Sirius, emphasizing the last word.

"You want to help Severus? And what happened to calling him Snivellus?" Lily's distaste for Sirius was evident on her face. "Since when do you trust _Black_, Sev?"

"Since this morning. We're friends, now, Lily."

"Okay," Lily replied, quickly taking this change in stride. "Okay. Then… I'm coming, too." Snape was about to protest, to explain that the risk was too great, that she couldn't take a risk like that, but he recognized her fixed look of determination, and knew that any attempts to change her mind were in vain.

"Thanks. But just one thing, Lily. Could you please stop treating Sirius like he's scum?" Lily paused for a long moment, and Snape was certain that she would stubbornly refuse. "Lily, don't you remember what you told me about Remus?" Severus made a last venture. "Padfoot is nice and sweet once you get to know him."

"Fine," Lily answered, but she didn't seem convinced. "Fine," she repeated, beginning to smile. "I'll be fair to him, don't worry. I'll see you all this evening."

"Well I'm sure that James will be _so _happy to see _you _there," Sirius called after her teasingly. Lily groaned and rolled her eyes, but as she went off a hint of a smile flickered at the edge of her mouth.

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A/N: I wasn't very pleased with how this chapter turned out, but I've been having writer's block and it's the best I can do. As you know, I'd love to get reviews.


	5. The Forest

**The Forest**

The sun was sinking slowly closer and closer to the horizon, and Severus walked reluctantly towards Filch's office. He was nervous again, and whirled around uneasily to face every harmless sound. Peeves floated about the ceiling of the halls, snickering, "Snivelly, don't you wish you'd been placed in Gryffindor House? All your book reading and potion making will come to nothing when you face the terrible beasts that lurk in the Forbidden Forest. Don't you regret teasing James Potter for wanting courage rather than brains that first day on the Hogwarts Express?" Peeves glided away, cackling gleefully.

"Leave me alone," Snape whispered to nothing. Then he heard steps following on the stone floor close behind him, and, drawing his wand, turned to face - nothing.

"Shush, Lily, you're going to give us away," came an exasperated voice. Sirius's and Remus's heads appeared, and then Lily's entire body. Snape heard her muttering something about invisibility cloaks being meant for only one person to wear, but he was too relieved to pay any attention. "Well don't just stand there, Severus! Don't be late, you want to go in and out of the Forest while it's still daylight out," Sirius urged. Severus hurried onward, but somehow, he was not so frightened with the knowledge that Padfoot, Moony, and Lily were close behind. As Snape turned a corner, he found himself facing James, and stopped abruptly. Sirius and Remus, hidden under the cloak, stumbled into his back, and Snape tumbled forwards into James.

"Get off of me."

"Sorry," mumbled Severus, trying to be nice, trying not to allow his temper to flare up at Potter's surly manner. He began to continue down the hall, but paused when he saw James staring, not moving. "What?" Snape sighed, wondering what he'd done this time to annoy James. "What do you _want?_" he asked, not waiting for nor expecting an answer.

"Excuse me? What did you say?" James asked.

Snape moaned wearily. "I asked what you want from me. I didn't mean to walk into you, okay? You can always wash your robes to remove my filth, if I'm that disgusting."

"No, before that, Snape."

Severus started when James used his surname rather than an insulting twisted version of his first name. "Before? Oh. I said I was sorry."

"_You_ said _sorry_?" James's voice was incredulous. Snape ignored him. This was clearly leading to some pitfall, a long-winded scheme sure to culminate in his humiliation. And what was so surprising about saying sorry? After all, Potter was the arrogant one… wasn't he? Either way, Sirius was right, if they didn't hurry it would be dark before they even entered the Forbidden Forest. Severus squared his shoulders and continued down the echoing stone corridors.

Twenty minutes later, the five students, only two of them visible, were following Flich's gaunt figure through a seemingly endless labyrinth of gloomy shadows cast by dark trees. Flich had a roll of string that was, with difficulty, tied to the Whomping Willow at the edge of the Forest, and unrolled as they progressed. Severus was glad that Filch had taken precautions to ensure that they would be able to retrace their steps back out of the woods. "Alright," instructed Filch, having at last allowed them to cease their toil. "You can all wait here for a rest, and then follow my path back to the castle. As soon as you return, detention is over. I think I'll just give myself a ten-minute head start. I hope you remember all the scenery… you'll be needing it to get back. Filch turned back the way the had come, re-coiling the string he'd used as a guide as he left. Filch looked over his shoulder one last time, and laughed ominously. "I'll know if you try to follow before the ten minutes is up.

"We're doomed," said Remus, unceremoniously ducking out from underneath the cloak.

"Moony, what are you doing here? And Padfoot? And - and Lily! Lily, why are you here? This is dangerous, what are you doing? You could get killed by some of the animals lurking out here, you know that!" James's eyes suddenly narrowed suspiciously. "Wait. And what are you all doing under _my _invisibility cloak?"

"I _knew_ this was going to happen, Pads. What did I tell you?" Though Severus spoke softly under his breath, James heard every word.

"What do _you_ know about this, Snivellus? Sneaking Slytherin, poking your oversized nose into business that isn't yours." James was reaching for his wand. Snape glanced helplessly at Sirius, who opened his mouth to stop Potter.

But it was Remus Lupin who spoke first, "No, Prongs, this isn't what you think it is. Severus is with us now. And we - I - what I'm trying to say is that we shouldn't hate Severus just because he's poor and doesn't have many friends and is a Slytherin." Moony looked up at Snape to see if he'd been offended, but Snape only looked more grateful than he'd ever been in his life. "Sirius and I are friends with him now. We'd very much like it if you'd accept him, too, but if you won't, then there's nothing we can do about it."

"How does Evans get shoved into this mess? Who put her in danger like this? If it was him," James jerked his chin at Snape, "then there's no way I'm going to forgive him that." Snape was nearly certain that it was not hope which made James's words sound as though he was otherwise forgiven.

"I got myself into this mess. And I can get us out of it, too, if you'd all cooperate. But I can't see how we'll get out of here alive if _some of us_ don't give up a bit of our egos for the sake of himself, if not the others." Everyone looked at James, and then at Lily, who tossed her long hair over her shoulder and looked defiantly at James.

"How?" murmured Sirius.

"How to what? Deflate his pride-swollen head? I don't know."

"No, not that. How are you getting us out of here?"

"I paid attention to what Filch was doing, and it gave me some ideas. I left burn marks on trees that we passed, using my wand. We can just follow the burn marks. But I won't leave until you all come to some sort of agreement. This," Lily gestured between Snape and Potter, "has got to be resolved. Either be enemies or be friends, I don't care which; but we can't make progress if they keep pretending that the other doesn't exist until they irritate each other." Lily took two steps back, and so did Sirius and Remus. Only James and Snape were left, staring straight into the depths of each other's eyes. It reminded Snape of a dueling match, but this time he wasn't going to back down. He always was the one to back down. He was perfectly willing to be at peace with James. This was entirely Potter's choice.

"Severus? I'm sorry, too."

Snape gasped. Sirius and Remus grinned. Lily ran up to James and squeezed his hand. "Sure, Prongs. Let's go," replied Snape, breathless. The five students turned to head back to the castle together.

* * *

A/N: Thanks to everybody who has read my story so far. At this point in the story I could stop it here, or I could continue it. I have an idea for a direction that this story could take, but I'm not sure if I should write it or just leave it as it is. I would appreciate it so much if my readers could review and tell me if they like this story enough to think I should keep going with it. Any reviews are very welcome. Thanks.


	6. Animagus

**Animagus**

A week later, Snape was surprised at how wonderfully everything had worked out between himself, James, Sirius, and Remus. As days gradually passed, he found that the tentative alliance formed the night of his detention was only growing stronger. Peter Pettigrew was enraged that Snape had been accepted into the tight circle of friends, and he lost all interest in James and Sirius, no longer idolizing them. To Snape's astonishment, none of the three remaining Marauders really cared about the loss of Pettigrew, quite to the contrary, they even seemed to welcome his absence. In fact, their only disappointment was regarding Lily. James had clearly been hoping that after their experience together in the forest, Lily would have warmed up to him a bit. However, she was, if anything, even more distant from James, and that icy indifference had somehow spread to include Snape.

One morning, Severus and James were spending their free period leaning companionably against a tall tree by the lake, studying for a Potions test. James poured over numerous pages of his messy notes, entirely oblivious to everything around him. Severus, however did not so much as glance at his open textbook and his neat, meticulous comments in the margin, but instead gazed thoughtfully at the Whomping Willow, his brow furrowed. At last, James threw down his sheaf of parchment and turned to Snape. "You're not even going to read all those notes you took? What are they there for, then?" asked James wonderingly. "You already know all of it and more, but when has that ever stopped you? You haven't studied at all today."

Severus gave a half-smile, amused at James's amazement. "I know, I really ought to. But I just noticed that the moon is almost full." It was one of those mornings when the sky is so bright and clear that it hurts to look at it, and when ivory orb that is the moon is visible against the brilliant blue, even when the sun has risen far past the edge when land meets air and wind. Both boys squinted up at it.

"And?" prompted James.

"Well… Petigrew is gone now, and it's really my fault, and I was wondering… would you show me how to become an Animagus?" James burst out into loud laughter. "Right, never mind, it's a stupid idea, anyway," Snape quickly withdrew and began gathering up his things to go back to the castle. He had hoped to go to the Shrieking Shack primarily to join his friends, but also because he longed to know that they truly did accept him. The monthly journeys to the Shrieking Shack had made the Marauders like brothers to each other… and Severus wanted them to regard him like that as well. He could feel his face burn with the humiliation of rejection, and for once was glad that his overly-long hair hid it from James's watching eyes.

"Hey, Sev, wait! I didn't mean it like that!" James called after him. Snape turned back, bracing himself for whatever Potter was going to say. "Honestly, I'm just surprised… I know you don't hate Remus any more, but I _never_ thought you'd want to come. Padfoot wanted just to ask you straight up, but Moony and I though it might make you angry." Severus dared to meet James's eyes, and saw instantly that he was telling the truth. James, misinterpreting Snape's silence, ventured, "If you don't believe me, then you can ask Moon -"

"But I do believe you. C'mon, mate. Let's go tell the others. I've read all about becoming an Animagi and it seems like a very complicated process"...

* * *

"Are you _serious?_" asked Padfoot when they got a chance to talk to him on their way to Defense Against the Dark Arts.

"Yes, I am," assured Severus earnestly, before everybody chuckled and he realized that his friend was only making his serious Sirius joke again.

"What did I tell you?" Sirius looked from Remus to James and then back to Severus. "Well, there's no time to waste; it's almost the full moon. I wonder what animal you'll get…" three of the Marauders chattered excitedly as they walked down the hall together. None of them noticed Remus hanging back a bit, looking rather downcast.

In class, though, Remus slipped Severus a note underneath the desk. He opened the wrinkled piece of parchment, and read the words.

**You can't come. It's way too dangerous. Werewolves aren't in their right senses when they transform. You'll get hurt or something.  
**_The others didn't get hurt. _Severus wrote back.  
**Yeah, but you've never come before. You don't know what I'm like during the full moon.  
**_Oh. I know what this is all about. You're afraid that once I see what happens, I'll hate werewolves again.  
_**Well… fine, maybe I am**.  
_That's obviously my fault. But I __am __different now.  
_**I know. It's just hard to remember. You can come. I don't really mind. And the others don't either. You should know… James laughs at everybody. You can't take it personally, that's just how he is.  
**_Right. But you, of all people, would know how easy it is to forget things like that._

They grinned at each other, and then Remus quickly crumpled the note as the teacher walked sternly past their adjacent seats.

* * *

A/N: This chapter is a lot shorter than I'd like it to be, but I needed a transition to the next stage of the plot, and this is it. The next few chapters will be better, and longer, I think. Thanks for reading!


	7. Brotherhood

**Brotherhood**

The Marauders decided that Severus should become an Animagus on Saturday, because there were no classes that day. Severus was clearly tense, and not even Sirius's jokes could lighten the mood. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to, you know," Padfoot and Prongs reminded him for the millionth time that morning. "We'll understand. You don't need to prove to us that you're loyal." Snape just shook his head. And this was what he wanted, to be able to do something for somebody else. Being nervous didn't mean that he was reluctant. At last, there was nothing left to be done. Crouching together in the Room of Requirement, Severus tried to distance his mind from anything human and mundane, and a moment later Snape had transformed into his Animagus for the first time. With a faint popping noise, a raven took Severus's place on the floor of the Room of Requirement.

"You look regal," James told him. "Don't ravens always live in the towers of deserted castles in the Muggle fairytales? That's what the Muggles will see when you're at Hogwarts: a raven nearby the ruins of a dilapidated castle."

"Or, more accurately," corrected Remus, "a raven circling a dilapidated shack in Hogsmeade."

"He hasn't even seen himself yet, Moony. I wish we had a mirror," interrupted Sirius. Instantly, the Room of Requirement provided a small mirror that hung on a wall.

"But I can't get up there, I'm too small," Snape protested, and he was relieved to find that he could still speak, even in his animal form.

"Then fly," instructed James. "It'll come naturally. Animagi always fit the personality of their human. You wouldn't be a raven if you couldn't fly. I thought that moving on four legs would be impossible, but when I tried to walk, it just happened." Severus concentrated and flapped his new wings, making small leaps with his clawed talons, but it was to no avail. "No, you're trying to _fly_. Birds don't try to fly, they try to move to wherever they want to go. When you walk from class to class, you don't focus on the walking, you focus on where you're going."

Severus, exasperated, snapped, "I give up," and, in his frustration, tried to whirl around and stalk out of the room. But before he could remember that as a bird, that was impossible, he found himself circling in the air, headed towards the door to the Room of Requirement. He panicked as he realized that he didn't know how to slow down or turn, but the motion was surprisingly easy, and he tipped one of his wings, he spiraled down towards James, Sirius, and Remus. James held out his closed fist, and Severus landed on it, just as the school owls landed on the fists of their owners. "I never thought I'd be a falconer," laughed James. Do you want to fly to the mirror, or shall you ride there on my fist?"

"I think he'd better ride," Padfoot answered for Snape. "He looks dizzy. I remember, even though you can move just like a normal animal, it takes some time to get used to the capabilities and confines of your new body." Snape nodded emphatically, and they all cracked a grin at the sight of a raven bobbing its head up and down. James approached the mirror, still holding Snape up on his fist. Severus was amazed by what he saw.

His greasy black hair had become glossy ebony feathers. His dark brown, piercing eyes, so deep, and as expressive as the rest of his features were stolid, were as though they had meant to be in the head of a raven. He saw his personality in the raven, too. Severus Snape was intelligent and swift and quiet and dark. The raven was… perfect. There was no other word for it. It was as if, by some strange twist of fate, Severus had always been meant to be a raven. He stared, spellbound, for a long moment, and then turned away.

"Is it always like that? So… so _ideal_?"

"Yes. Always," James responded.

"How do I phase back? Wait - no, don't tell me. Let me guess. I have to want to become human, and it happens naturally?"

"Yeah. But I don't think you should become human while you're sitting on James's hand," Sirius said quickly.

"Oh. Right. Of course," Severus replied sheepishly. Becoming a human again was easier that phasing into his raven, and Padfoot and Prongs assured him that the first transformation was hardest, that afterwards it was natural, effortless.

"You'll need a nickname like us, now," James reminded them all.

"I call myself the Half-Blood Prince," Severus told them hesitantly. "It comes from my mother's maiden name, Prince. The half-blood is because I prefer to focus on my mother's side of the family. Not because she is a pure blood, but because my father isn't… very nice," Severus explained quickly. He didn't want the Marauders to think that he was prejudiced against Muggles, as were most Slytherins.

Sirius was nodding understandingly. "Yeah, because my pure blood lineage had produced the best parents," he muttered sarcastically, bitterness tinging his usually jovial tone of voice.

Severus grinned, glad that they understood. As the four boys turned towards the door, James told Severus, "Welcome to the Marauders. You're one of us now, Prince."

* * *

A/N: I wasn't sure how to describe the transformation into an Animagus, especially for the first time, so this chapter isn't as good as I'd like it to be. But I've already begun writing the next chapter, and it's much better, I promise. Of course, reviews are always appreciated!


	8. What Friends Are For

**What Friends Are For**

Only a few days later, the night of the full moon arrived. As Severus left History of Magic, his last class of the day, a thrill ran down his spine as he realized what lay ahead. For the first time in his life, Snape gained a faint understanding of what a horror it must be for Remus - every month, this waiting - and of course, it would be worse for him. Snape was only becoming a raven, Snape would still be himself. Moony, on the other hand… Severus shuddered at the thought of what he'd do if it had been _him_ in Remus's shoes. He went to the entrance of the Gryffindor common room, and waited outside. When the portrait door opened, Severus was surprised to see Lily, not the other Marauders, climbing out. She, on the other hand, didn't seem at all shocked to find him there.

"Severus." She took hold of his shoulders firmly and looked straight into his eyes. "Severus. You musn't do this. It's a huge risk, and it's against the rules. You might get caught, you might get another detention. You shouldn't go to the Shrieking Shack. Just because you're Remus's friend now doesn't mean you have to -"

"Why does everybody think that I'm doing this because I think I have to? I'm doing this because I _want_ to, not because I think I have any kind of obligation to him. You don't owe me anything, but you risked a lot when you came to my detention with me. You did it because we're friends. Which is why I'm going with Remus."

The portrait hole swung open again, but they didn't see anybody leaving. Then Severus suddenly remembered about the Invisibility Cloak, and quickly pulled Lily out of the way. James threw off the cloak and greeted them brightly, "Hey, Evans! I didn't think you'd be out here… What's happening?"

"She thinks that she's going to convince me not to join you," answered Severus.

"Oh." James seemed disappointed that she wasn't waiting for him, but Lily, who appeared genuinely pleased to see him, began chatting. Snape, however, knew that she was only trying to delay them, to give him a chance to change his mind.

Sirius and Remus exchanged worried glances. "He could be here for a hours, talking to Evans," Sirius explained to Snape in a whisper. Then, louder, he insisted, "Come _on_, Prongs, lets _go_. It's getting _late_." Nobody overlooked the urgency in Padfoot's voice; they all knew the consequences if they didn't get to the Shrieking Shack soon enough. As the Marauders turned to leave together, Severus looked across at Remus, who always looked paler and smaller than Sirius and James, but seemed especially peaked and weak today. The sky was still safely clear as they emerged from the castle under the Invisibility Cloak and hurried towards the Whomping Willow.

Just a few minutes later, the four friends stood in the Shrieking Shack. James and Sirius quickly phased into their Animagi: a tall, graceful stag, and a shaggy black dog. Severus easily shifted into his raven. Together, they waited, and the silence fairly roared in roared in his ears. He had never minded silence, in fact he preferred its safety to the noise of voices, voices that so often were unkindly directed at him. Now, however, the deathly stillness was unsettling. Slowly, the moon became visible in the corner of a window of the Shack. Remus shuddered as outside the silvery orb cast a faint glow to the clouds surrounding it. Every creak of the old timber was unbearably loud. Severus remembered how many times in the last three years that he thought he'd understood all about the werewolf and his friends, how he'd judged them. And now he realized that he still didn't understand. Because only Remus could ever know what it was like to wait for oneself to become an uncontrollable monster. Snape suddenly felt very small. Then, as the moon's light streamed in through the grimy window, Moony began to transform. It was a terrible sight. Soon the frail, shy, studious boy had become a wolf with gleaming teeth, clawed paws, and grizzled fur. Alarmed, Snape flew up towards the ceiling, and in his unreasonable panic, smashed into one of the rafters. Then he happened to catch the werewolf's eye, and there he saw something akin to a remaining fragment of sanity, of reason, a shadow of the quiet, studious Remus that he had come to know. His fear vanished, and Severus let himself glide to perch on one of Prong's antlers. Sirius barked a short laugh, and Snape squawked good back good-naturedly. Even Moony whined softly, joining in the joke. To his surprise, Severus didn't mind making a fool of himself, didn't mind the amusement at his own expense. After all, what were friends if they couldn't even laugh with each other?

* * *

As the moon set, and a faint pale pink tinge appeared in the eastern horizon, the Marauders slipped silently back into the castle. They decided to drop off Snape at the Slytherin dormitories in the dungeons first, before the other three went to Gryffindor's portrait hole with the Invisibility Cloak. Snape, left alone, was about to utter the password when he saw, curled against the cold, damp entrance, a girl underneath a blanket. He bent over her, and saw Lily's long, dark red hair tumbling over her shoulders. Reaching for his wand, he whispered, "_Lumos,_" and Lily's narrow, pale face was illuminated with the soft yellow glow from his wand. Her green eyes flew open wide, startled, but they quickly tightened angrily. "What are you doing here? It's freezing!" Severus exclaimed, too taken aback at her inexplicable presence to notice her accusing expression.

"You want to know what I'm doing!" she burst out. "I've been waiting here all night, wondering if you're all right, wondering when you're going to come back! I won't let you go to the Shrieking Shack with them again, and if you won't listen to me then I'll - I'll -" she hesitated a moment, but then locked her jaw determinedly, and finished, "I'll tell everybody what Lupin is!"

"But, Lily, he'll have to leave Hogwarts. You can't let him get caught, you can't tell anyone!" Severus protested frantically.

Her pointed chin rose defiantly. "_I _can't? I _can't? _Snape, don't you tell me what I can and can't do," she snapped. She rose, furious, and tried to stalk away, but her ankles got tangled in the ends of the blankets, and she stumbled into Severus. He caught her and righted her gingerly before she wrenched herself from his gentle grasp. Distraught, Severus could only watch her retreating figure. Of course, he should've known… Lily had always hated the Marauders, and now that he was one of them, he was just like James was to her. Sure, he had gained three great friends, but now he'd lost Lily. And they had been _best _friends… Severus leaned against the wall, and let himself slip slowly down to the floor, not even noticing how chilling the unforgiving stone beneath him was. The light from his wand went out, and in the complete dark of the dungeon, Severus pulled his knees up against his chest, and wrapped his arms around them, his shoulders curving inwards protectively. He stared hopelessly into the blackness.

* * *

A/N: In celebration of getting 1,000 hits for this story, here's a new chapter! Thanks to everybody who read, alerted, favorited, and reviewed this story. I hope you enjoyed the new chapter, and as always, please review!


	9. Picking Sides

**Picking Sides**

It was Remus who found Snape there in the morning. "Sev?" he called questioningly. "Have you been out here since we got in?" Severus had eventually fallen asleep, his head drooping, his cheek pressed against his knee. Remus shook his friend's shoulder, and Snape woke with a shudder. He looked around, disoriented, and then his face fell. "What are you…" Remus trailed off mid-sentence and gestured helplessly, his hand sketching circles in the air.

"Am I late for class?" Snape asked dully, not really caring if he was.

"No. It's Sunday, there are no classes. We're going to Hogsmeade today, aren't you excited? Breakfast's already started, and when you didn't show, we wondered if you'd overslept after staying up late last night. But why are you out here?"

"Hogsmeade? I… I don't think I'll come today." Snape was dreading his next encounter with Lily, and he certainly didn't want to see her in Hogsmeade that day.

"Oh, c'mon mate, please? Why are you -" Remus stopped and shook his head. He, of course, knew all about awkward secrets, and didn't push the matter further. "Well, okay, then. But we'd all love it if you came," he added hopefully.

_I'll have to see her sometime_, thought Snape, and he sighed resignedly. "Alright, I'll come. Here - let me get ready first, won't you?"

Ten minutes later, James, Sirius, and Remus saw Severus making his way through the throngs of chattering students to meet them. "What's up, Severus? Did something go wrong last night after we left?" James asked, but Remus gave a slight shake of his head, and when Snape didn't answer right away, he shrugged. "Okay. Whatever, mate. Hey, Evans!" he called, catching sight of Lily, who stood a few feet away. She glanced up for a moment, but then tossed her head and looked away.

"Huh. I thought she got over loathing you after Prince's detention. And she was talking to Severus before we left yesterday…" Sirius mused aloud. Snape wildly hoped that Padfoot would stop talking, and to his amazement, he did. But when Snape dared to raise his eyes, which had been absorbed in something carefully away from the faces of the other Marauders, Sirius was watching him curiously. Their eyes met, and Sirius raised his eyebrows, but said nothing else. _Leave it to Black_, Snape thought bitterly, _to be able to guess what had happened_. Of all people, Severus didn't want to deal with Padfoot, who was far more perceptive than Snape was comfortable with. Why couldn't Sirius be like Remus, who didn't question, but just went along with it all? Soon, Professor McGonagall gave them all permission to leave, and Severus was grateful that they were finally doing something.

* * *

"Okay, so what's up with you and Lily?" Sirius leaned forward eagerly, across a mug of hot butterbeer in The Three Broomsticks. Prongs and Moony were still poring over particularly pungent new brand of dungbombs in Zonko's Joke Shop, and Padfoot had motioned for Snape to slip away while there was a chance.

"_Nothing_ is up with Lily. She always hated James, what's the big deal?"

"That isn't a big deal. But she hasn't always hated _you_. She was your best friend." persisted Sirius. Snape half smiled at hearing that Lily had been his best friend; he'd known it, but it was good to hear the words from somebody else's mouth. His grin quickly twisted into a grimace, however, because the past tense was painfully stark in Padfoot's short, frank statement.

"What does it matter to me if her disgust for us Marauders is more important than what we had?" Severus all but snarled at Sirius. "I. Don't. Care." Snape tried very hard to make his words sound like the truth, but the effort was far too transparent.

Sirius, of course, knew when to stop talking, and he shrugged in an offhand manner, feigning his indifference much more smoothly than Snape had. "Whatever. But I thought you'd quit pretending with that whole, 'I don't care, it doesn't matter,' thing."

Severus slammed his ceramic mug on the table in exasperation, but his hand slipped and it broke. "Bloody hell," he muttered savagely. "Won't _anything_ work properly? _Reparo_." And then, turning to Padfoot, he said, "Fine. But mind you, I'm only telling you this because it concerns you and Prongs and Moony as well, okay? I don't want to discuss Lily and me _at all_, you understand?"

"Can do. _Muffliato_," Sirius answered, silencing himself with his own wand, then miming the action of locking his lips and tossing the key over his shoulder. Severus told Padfoot everything that had occurred between himself and Lily, from their truncated discourse the evening of the full moon to her threatening words when they had all returned from the Shrieking Shack. At the end of his narration, Sirius removed the silencing spell from himself, and said confidently, "I don't think she'll actually follow through with the blackmail, especially now that we'll all be on our guard against doing anything suspicious. It was good that you told us, though. Should I let Remus and James know about it, or shall you?"

"You can," Snape replied quickly, turning away to leave.

"Hang on a minute. I know I promised not to talk to you about Lily, but I just though maybe, if you don't want to see her, or rather, her to see you, then you can take the Invisibility Cloak with you. Go on," Sirius urged, seeing Severus hesitate. "Take it. James won't care, for Merlin's sake, Prince, you're a _Marauder_."

* * *

Snape sat on a fallen log at the very outskirts of Hogsmeade, near the Shrieking Shack. It was March, and very cold. The Invisibility Cloak kept him warm, but there was a strong gale of wind, which kept making the ends of the Cloak flutter and billow out away from his body. Severus turned his back to the wind, and watched the students come and go in small groups. Suddenly, there was a hand on his shoulder, and he jerked away as though he'd been struck in face instead. "Whoa. Calm down. It's just me. Just Lily. Can I sit down?" she didn't wait for an answer before settling herself next to Snape.

"How did you -"

"Your feet are sticking out of the cloak. Pull them in a bit - there, _now_ I can't see you." Lily sounded rather smug. Severus just stuffed the Invisibility Cloak into the pocket of his robes, there being no point in using it anymore. "So, have you made your choice yet?"

"There's no choice to make, Evans," Snape's voice was hard. "Were you under the impression that I didn't think about it before I went and asked to become an Animagus? Before I willingly watched a werewolf transform? You think I'm going to abandon my friends just because you have a grudge?" Severus realized that this was almost verbatim to the conversation they had after the Quidditch match that earned him a detention - except this time, the roles were reversed.

"Do you really want to know what I think? I think that if you start strutting around the school like James and Sirius, people are going to hate you more than they ever did," snapped Lily.

"So did you just come here to bother me, or is there anything else you want to say?"

"I want to know whose side you're on, mine or James's?"

"_Sides_, Evans? Since when were we picking _sides_?" Snape suddenly realized that he and Lily were shrieking at each other, and he glanced up in horror at the ring of onlookers who had gathered.

* * *

A/N: This was a rather dramatic chapter, so I hope it wasn't unrealistic or anything. It took me a while to get the dialog to sound right. Thanks to my readers and reviewers. I always want feedback, good or bad, so reviews are very much appreciated.


	10. Fight

**Fight**

At the very front of the crowd stood Peter Pettigrew, an ugly sneer twisting his face. His beady, black eyes glittered maliciously. "So, Snivelly, I hear they call you 'the Half-Blood Prince' now. Why such a regal nickname, Snivellus? Too good for the rest of us? Well, _Half-Blood _Prince, you're too proud. You always think you're better than everyone else, don't you? You call people _Mudbloods_. You're weak and pathetic, and all you can do about it is to insult people even when you know that you aren't any different!"

"Shut up," Snape hissed, his voice quiet, barely above a whisper, and yet full of venomous loathing. He hadn't used the forbidden word since two years ago when he'd called Lily a Mudblood. "You're just jealous that you're not a Marauder any more, that James prefers me to you even though you idolized him."

"Jealous? Why would I be jealous of a greasy-haired git like _you_? At least people _like_ me; even your _parents _hate you." Seveus winced - it was true, his parents had never really cared about him so long as he was out of their way. If they ever paid Snape any attention, it was only because he had done something wrong. But Pettigrew, pleased to have found a weakness, was continuing, "Your parents don't care two knuts for you and you know it."

Snape's fury was beyond words. Without even bothering to use his wand, Snape lunged at Peter, and they grappled with each other, rolling over and over in the soggy ground, getting spattered with mud. Pettigrew managed to reach inside his robes for his wand, and shouted, "_Petrificus _-"

"_PROTEGO!"_ bellowed somebody who was shoving his way through the crowd of students. A shield expanded between Severus and Peter, the force of it throwing both Snape and Pettigrew backwards. Severus crashed into somebody, and looked up to see that it was Lily. She still glared at him, but seemed to be trying very hard not to burst out laughing. Blushing furiously, he whirled around to find who had cast the Shielding spell. It was James Potter, who was now striding toward him through a parting in the circle of onlookers. "Get up. Leave. Now," James instructed tersely. Severus stood up numbly, and headed straight back to that castle, leaving James to deal with the mess that he'd created.

* * *

Snape ran to the Slytherin Common Room, and was relieved to find it empty - everyone else was still at Hogsmeade. He quickly put on dry robes, carefully folding the Invisibility Cloak, which, thankfully, had not been harmed in the scuffle with Pettigrew. He went to the deserted library, and buried himself in a Defense Against the Dark Arts book. At some point, Sirius, James, and Remus turned up, slipping into seats at his table. Severus noted vaguely that it was far too early for them to be back, but he made no comment, not even looking up, pretending that they weren't there. Pretending that the world wasn't there. He knew that he'd have to explain himself eventually, but he wanted to delay it for as long as possible. Finally, Sirius looked up from his homework and said cautiously, "It's time for dinner, you coming?" Snape shook his head, keeping his eyes on the book in front of him, even though he wasn't really reading.

They rose to leave, but James turned back and said, "Have you got my cloak with you?" Snape took it from his pocket and pushed it across the table, still too ashamed of himself to meet their eyes. The Marauders left, leaving Severus alone again. He shut the book, no longer having to keep up the pretense of being busy. He could hear the rumble of footsteps in the hallways as everybody went to supper in the Great Hall. Ten minutes later, a tray of food appeared on the table beside him, and a moment afterwards, Remus was pulling the Invisibility Cloak off of himself and his other two friends.

"How - why -" Snape spluttered, stumbling over his words in surprise?

"Don't you want to eat?" Remus replied. "_I'm _famished. C'mon, don't protest, we know that you're hungry."

"But -" Severus began.

"Oh, just shut up, won't you?" Sirius said impatiently. "We didn't sneak into the kitchens and back here for nothing. Quit talking and eat." Snape complied then, for talking to them was what he had been dreading most. The other three Marauders ate jovially, sharing steaming boiled potatoes, a steak, and treacle tart enthusiastically. They chattered constantly, and whenever there was a lull in conversation, Sirius had a new joke to make that set them all off laughing again. Severus knew that this was simply so that he wouldn't feel a need to speak, and he was grateful.

But there was an uncomfortable awkwardness between all of them, the kind that slips in among a group of people who are so familiar that they ought to be able to say anything to each other, and yet are withholding something important. Severus sensed it, and he knew that only he could dispel it, and yet he didn't know how to begin. A silence fell over the four of them, and everyone looked at Snape, knowing he was about to say something. He looked first at James as he mumbled shamefacedly, "Thanks for using that shield charm. And for letting me use the cloak. And for… everything. How can I ever hope to repay -"

"No, no, no," James interrupted. "You care too much about being even with people. Pettigrew deserved what you did and more. Talking about your family - that was just low and cowardly." Severus blushed - it was obvious that they had rehearsed this conversation for the moment that he brought it up.

"What we're trying to say," Sirius continued, "is that we don't mind what you did. In fact, I think I have a few Dungbombs that would be very well spent in Pettigrew's bedding."

Remus, shaking his head, took over the lead of the conversation and said, "Sev, what our _point_ is, is that there's no need to be ashamed of your own past. I mean, look at what I am, at least you're not a dangerous were-"

He stopped abruptly as Lily Evans came running over to their table. "Snape, Professor McGonagall wants you in her office. Something to do with Hogsmeade… and Peter Pettigrew." Her voice was smug, and Severus was certain that it had been Lily who had tattled to McGonagall.

Severus moaned softly as he rose to go receive what he was certain would be another detention - or worse. Filch's threat from his last detention rang in his ears, _"The consequences for any more misbehavior will be much, much worse, I promise."_

* * *

A/N: It's been a while since I've updated, sorry I've taken so long. Thank you to everybody who's been reading, alerting, favoriting, and especially reviewing. Also, I've been having trouble coming up with chapter titles lately, for both this story and my other story, so if you have any suggestions for this chapter's title that are better than the one I have now, I'd be happy to hear them. Thanks again for reading my story, and please review!


	11. Howler

**Howler**

Professor McGonagall stood, tall and severe, at the door to her office. She ushered Severus inside with a sweep of her arm, and conjured a chair for him out of thin air. Snape sat down stiffly, and she stood across from him, her eyes flashing at him angrily. "I have received information from a student," she began, "that you were fighting with someone from my House." She glared at Snape expectantly, as if waiting for a confession of guilt. A wave of rage washed over Severus. He remembered Lily's smug expression, and was suddenly certain that it was she who had told McGonagall. "There isn't anything that you would like to tell me about this incident?" Professor McGonagall urged.

Snape shook his head, then rethought his refusal to speak, and muttered reluctantly, "Yeah… well, I sort of - er - attacked Pettigrew." McGonagall raised her eyebrows.

"Why," she said, slowly and dangerously, "would you do that?"

Severus flushed. How could he explain? How could he repeat what Peter had said about his parents? How could he admit that what Pettigrew had said about them was true, and explain that it was because of the truth in Peter's taunting, not the mere words, that had made him want to hurt that rat in return? "I don't know," he mumbled, staring at his shoes and wished he could cast a Disillusionment Charm and melt away into the walls of the room.

Snape knew right away from the tightening of Professor McGonagall's mouth, and from how her eyebrows rose even higher, that he had said the wrong thing. But before McGonagall could say anything further, and before Snape could backtrack, Remus burst into the office, out of breath after clearly having run there from the library.

"Remus, what are you doing here?" Snape panicked.

"Lupin, you are disrupting our conversation," Professor McGonagall said sternly.

"Professor, it - it wasn't - Severus! It wasn't - his - fault!" Reums panted. "Peter -provoked him - insulted him!"

Astonishingly, it was possible for Professor McGonagall to appear even more skeptical. "Lupin, I have given Snape an opportunity to explain his actions, but he has declined to shed any light on this seemingly unprovoked attack on one of my students."

"But - but, Sev, you've _got_ to explain!" Remus interrupted.

"_However,_" Professor McGonagall raised her voice slightly, "I will refrain from giving him the punishment that he ought to receive. A letter will be sent to your household informing your parents of your misbehavior, Severus. You both may go now - after all, it is past the hour that you are allowed to be wandering the halls rescuing your friends from punishment. I will see you both in Transfiguration tomorrow."

* * *

The next morning, the Marauders all congratulated Severus on escaping from his close scrape with trouble as they went down to breakfast. "I wish you'd tell us how you pulled _that_, off, Prince," Sirius teased. "And with McGonagall, too! She's given us detention loads of times - and we weren't even attacking people, we were just fooling around."

"Yeah, but if Remus hadn't showed up, Merlin knows what she would've done," Severus protested, with a grateful glance at Lupin.

"Nah, we've been getting in trouble ever since we came to Hogwarts, and Moony here never did anything that helped." James disagreed.

"Shut up," Remus growled good-naturedly. At that, all four of them laughed merrily.

At breakfast, the Slytherin table was abuzz with gossip of the almost-fight in Hogsmeade, but Snape ignored it easily. What he couldn't ignore, though, was the red, smoking envelope that arrived at his plate with the morning owl post. Severus stared at the crimson bit of paper, frozen with terror. A Howler. He'd never gotten one before, but he knew exactly what it was. "Look, somebody's finally sent Snivelly something! Too bad it's a _Howler!_" the girl seated next to him called out, and in an instant, the entire school was staring at him.

James came strolling past Snape, and hissed in his ear, "Open it _now_, don't you know what'll happen it you don't?"

"I - I can't," Severus stammered. James rolled his eyes, lifted the Howler gingerly by one corner, broke open the seal, and tossed it quickly back onto the table. In a moment, the voice of Severus's father filled the Great Hall.

"_SEVERUS!_ I DO NOT HAVE THE TIME NOR THE INTEREST TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR MISDEMEANORS. I AM WELL AWARE THAT YOU ARE A WORTHLESS GOOD-FOR-NOTHING, AND REMINDERS OF IT FROM YOUR TEACHERS ARE _UNNECESSARY! _IF YOU DISRUPT ME _ONE MORE TIME_ WITH YOUR FOOLISHNESS, I WILL PUNISH YOU WORSE THAN THAT MAGIC SCHOOL OF YOURS EVER WILL!" The Howler burst into flames that crackled loudly, then collapsed into ashes. Severus looked timidly around at the House tables, all of which were deathly still. James was staring at Severus from across the Great Hall with a mixture of alarm and pity on his face. Shaking his head hard, trying to push the voice of his father out of his ringing ears, Severus left the Great Hall, ran swiftly through the empty corridors, found the secret tunnel to the Whomping Willow that James had showed him, and fled to the Shrieking Shack, the one place where he was certain nobody would find him.

* * *

A/N: I haven't updated in a while, but I've had a lot of tests going on at school. I wasn't sure if Muggles could send Howlers or not, but since Petunia Dursley once received one from Dumbledore I figured it wasn't too much of a stretch for a Muggle to send one, and after all, this is AU. I hope you like this chapter, and thanks to everyone who has read my stories. Reviews mean everything to me, so please give me your feedback, even if it's just a few words.


	12. Reconciliation

**Reconciliation**

Severus knelt on the floor of the Shrieking Shack, panting slightly, trying to catch his breath after running all the way from the Great Hall. The wind roared around the small building, drowning out any noise, even that of his ragged breathing. That was probably the reason why he did not hear the person who was clambering up into the Shack until she called out to him. "Severus? Severus, I know you're there."

When Snape recognized the voice as Lily's, he almost replied. But then he remembered their last conversation - how she had sided with Pettigrew - and he clenched his jaw shut. He heard a small scuffling noise, and then Lily hoisted herself up onto the floor. She stood, brushing her robes off. "Why didn't you respond when I called out?"

"Why should I? Why are you even here? Doesn't it serve me right if I get punished?" Snape answered sullenly, refusing to look at her.

"Oh, Severus, you're not still mad about that, are you? You know I didn't mean it. Won't you say something to me?" Lily entreated.

"Really? It sure seems like you meant it." Severus retorted angrily.

"Well, I did, but-"

"Then _go away_."

"Wait! Just listen for a minute. I thought you were doing all that - becoming an Animagus, going to the Shrieking Shack during the full moon, hanging around with James and Sirius and Remus all the time - just because you wanted to be popular and you thought that was how to do it."

"So that's why you went running to McGonagall after what happened in Hogsmeade, right?"

Lily blinked, and when she answered him, there was no doubting the shock and disbelief in her voice. "I didn't- It wasn't me who told Professor McGonagall. I heard Peter saying he would get revenge for you attacking him, so I followed him back to the castle. He went straight to McGonagall's office and fabricated a story, but I talked to her after Peter left, and told her what really happened - what Peter had said to you. She said that she'd ask you and see if your story matched mine, and then she sent me off to get you."

Understanding dawned on Snape's face. "That must be why she let me go after Remus said that Peter had insulted me," he said softly. "But what made you change your mind about why I'd become a Marauder?"

"Because James produced that Shield Charm for you, and because they all followed you straight to the castle. They wouldn't do that for you if they weren't really your friends. Maybe James is arrogant, but he's fiercely loyal, and he's not stupid. He would see through you in an instant if you'd been friends with him for a selfish reason. I should've known better - you would never be friends with somebody for any of the reasons I thought you were." The tension between them vanished instantly. "Will you go back to class now?" Lily asked tentatively.

"Sure. Let's hurry - Merlin knows what McGonagall will say to me if we're late."

* * *

Severus hesitated before he entered the Transfiguration classroom. He was certain that Professor McGonagall would be furious. "C'mon, Sev, maybe she won't mind so much. After all, it's not like we're late every day," Lily reminded him bracingly.

But when they entered the room, nobody even noticed. Professor McGonagall was standing very still at the front of the classroom, her face whiter than the bit of parchment that she held between trembling fingers. A crimson bird with long, draping tail feathers was perched on her desk, clearly anticipating a response to the letter it had just delivered. James slid over along his bench to make room for Severus. "What's happened, Prongs?" whispered Snape, seating himself in the space between James and Sirius. Just then, Professor McGonagall looked up and said, in what was a carefully controlled monotone, yet somehow still betrayed her panic, "Professor Dumbledore has asked me to inform you that You-Know-Who is communicating with certain students in the school in an attempt to recruit more Death Eaters. The Headmaster wishes you to be aware that Hogwarts is no longer a secure school. Report to the Great Hall immediately; Dumbledore wishes to address the school as a whole."

* * *

A/N: After far too long, here's a new chapter for you. I've been slacking off about updating frequently enough, but I've been really busy at school lately, so there's my weak excuse. A couple days ago my total hits reached 2,000, so I'm pretty excited about that. Thanks so much to anybody who has read my stories. I also want to specifically thank Luiz4200 for his many lovely reviews for my stories. I appreciate all my readers more than you can know; thank you so much. Please review!


	13. Secret Society

**Secret Society**

The only sound as the Marauders made their way down to the Great Hall was the gentle rumble of numerous pairs of feet treading on the stone floors on the castle. Nobody spoke, and the lack of noise with so many people in the same place at the same time was eerie. Suddenly Peeves came zooming down the hall, cackling merrily. "Which of you wee brats have been giving information to You-Know-Who?" he called loudly, leering at them.

"Shut _up_," muttered Remus, exasperated. He pulled out his wand and flicked it saying, "_Waddiwasi_," under his breath. A thick textbook flew out of Remus's bag and hit Peeves squarely between the eyes. Muttering profanities angrily, Peeves shot away to wreak havoc elsewhere.

When they reached the Great Hall, Dumbledore was already seated at the staffs' table. He waited for everyone to enter and go to their House table, and then began, his voice level, but very serious, "Your teachers have already informed you as to why I wish to see you all today. We cannot allow Lord Voldemort-" many students gasped at the sound of the Dark Lord's name, and Snape's hands, which lay clasped on top of the table, suddenly twisted even tighter together, his knuckles becoming white and prominent. "-as I was saying," continued Dumbledore after the Hall settled, "we cannot allow him to raise an army while we stand by and do nothing. I therefore have decided that I will give opportunities to those students who wish to fight back. I do not mean, of course, wand-to-wand combat. There are other ways of fighting, such as seeking useful information, or helping to align others against Voldemort, or simply being prepared in case the need for battle ever does arrive.

"Isn't that the point of our Defense Against the Dark Arts classes?" piped up a fourth year Slytherin boy. "If you're saying that our regular classes aren't enough to protect ourselves with, then why even bother with them?"

"You have been taught how to protects yourself from many curses in your classes, and you have learned about a vast number of magical creatures - vampires, werewolves, kappas," Dumbledore answered slowly, as though every word he spoke was chosen carefully. "However, Voldemort is not any of these creatures. He is a human - a human with an irreparably mangled soul - but a human nevertheless. He is a highly clever and skilled wizard, and that makes him more dangerous than any Dark creature, than any one curse alone. Struggling against such an individual is not something that can be taught in a class, even a Defense Against the Dark Arts class. Certainly, we have altered the course to address the new dangers that the Dark Lord's rise to power has brought, but it is not enough. Which brings me to the point of this discourse. If you wish to do something for the witch and wizarding community, something that will help us fight against Lord Voldemort not only with our wands, but with our minds as well, then there will be a meeting tomorrow evening, where you can get more information. That is all I have to say now; you are dismissed to your next class."

* * *

"I can't wait to see what Dumbledore's got to say," James said eagerly as the four Marauders headed to the meeting together the next day. "I've been so impatient to actually be able _do_ something, after all these years just sitting around in school, while Voldemort's out there. Finally I can help."

"You'd better not go do something rash, now that we're allowed to help. Fat lot of good you'll be doing if You-Know-Who does away with you because you've gone and done something heroic and thoughtless." Remus said coolly. "You're always over excited. You just want to go out and fight. Didn't you hear what Dumbledore said, to 'fight against Voldemort not only with our wands, but with our minds.'"

"Wish Dumbledore would stop being so cryptic and say what he means," Sirius complained. "He's always talking in codes like that. How are we supposed to fight with our minds?"

"I think," said Severus slowly, "that what he means is that we shouldn't expect to beat Voldemort with brute power. He's one of the smartest wizards of our time, he's got a huge number of followers, and in a duel, we're no match for him. It's no good to learn only hand to hand combat. We need to unite - if there's one thing that the Dark Side lacks, then it's unity. All the Death Eaters are supporters of You-Know-Who because they think there's something in it for them. Power, social status, money, who knows what their twisted minds desire? But there's nothing selfish in what we're doing. We just want the fear and the tyranny and the deaths to stop. And because we're working for a noble common goal, not for a personal gain, we're stronger than Voldemort and his Death Eaters, regardless of what curses they know. I'll bet that Dumbledore was trying to tell us that most of all, we need unity."

Sirius and James stared at Snape. He looked back at them, and said loudly, "What?"

Sirius burst out laughing. "Nothing, it's just I've never heard you say that much all at once before." Snape shrugged, and wished that they would all stop looking at him. He hid his face behind a curtain of greasy black hair, and was exceptionally quiet the rest of the way to the Great Hall, where the meeting would be held.

Students were already standing in clusters scattered sparsely around the Great Hall. Severus was surprised by how few students had come, and quickly noted that he was the only Slytherin. The majority of children there were in Gryffindor House. He cringed away from the disparaging looks that were being directed toward him. "Why don't you stick around with your own House?" sneered a third year. "Nobody wants a nasty Slytherin here, especially if it's _you_." She shrank away quickly, however, when Sirius and James overheard and brandished their wands at her.

The House tables had been moved to one side, and a podium stood in place of the long staff table. Dumbledore stepped up to it, his expression grave. "Welcome. I thank you for coming. The attendance is quite smaller than I had hoped for, but we must make do with what we have. Resourcefulness - it is a quality that Lord Voldemort himself values. Now, to oppose the Dark Lord is to put yourself in mortal danger. I wish all of you to understand what you are undertaking when you come here. If you wish not to take part in this, then I suggest you leave now." A few of the younger students left, but the Marauders only glowered fiercely, as though already challenging anybody who was allied with You-Know-Who. Dumbledore waited until they had all left, then continued. "Those of you who are still in this room must remain loyal to the cause you are here to support. Treachery is the worst moral crime one can commit. Though I would like to trust you all, these are times when we must choose carefully who we trust and who we do not. Please come up to me one by one. If I deem you trustworthy enough to help fight against Voldemort, you may remain here until I give more detailed instructions. If you are dismissed, I beg that you do not take personal offense."

They all formed a single line leading up to the podium. Though there were not many in people present, it seemed to Severus that the line inched forward with unbearable slowness. He waited almost feverishly for the moment when Dumbledore would appraise him. He saw Lily Evans walk away from the podium, smiling happily to join those who had been accepted. She was joined by a few others. Peter Pettigrew was sent scurrying angrily out of the Great Hall. Prongs walked up to the podium, with Padfoot closely behind as they both went to stand with Lily and the other new members of the group. Severus shuffled his feet anxiously as Moony followed after the other two Marauders a moment later. He stepped up to the podium, standing directly across from Dumbledore. "Ah, Severus," smiled Dumbledore. "The only Slytherin here. In my opinion, the only Slytherin brave enough to come. I always did wonder what would have happened if you had been sorted into Gryffindor instead. Well, go on, join your friends waiting for you. What are you waiting for?" As Severus turned away, his face lit up with relief and then with joy, Dumbledore's eyes lingered on him, following him across the Great Hall, twinkling kindly and knowingly.

Once the selections were finished, Dumbledore turned to speak to them all again. "I will delegate responsibilities according to age. First, second, and third years should report any suspicious behavior that they notice. Disregard nothing. Constant vigilance! Fourth and fifth and sixth years should be trying to recruit anyone who is willing to help fight against Voldemort. If an individual is very interested, then do not give out any specific details, only tell him or her to contact me for further information. Sixth years and younger may go now, older students should please remain for a moment. Dumbledore waved his wand, and a stack of parchment on top of the podium began distributing itself to the group of people who were still left in the Great Hall. Severus looked down at his copy of the paper. It was a thin pamphlet. On the cover was a picture of a crimson bird in flight, soaring against a velvet midnight sky studded with stars like shattered crystal and illuminated by a shaft of ivory moonlight. Its graceful wings were spread boradly, and its tail was streaked with golden feathers, long and exquisite and draping. Above the picture, in a fancy, luxurious script, was written,

_The Order of the Phoenix_

* * *

A/N: Here's another update for you all, I hope you enjoyed it. Yesterday I reached 3,000 total hits for this story, which I'm excited about. However, I'm not getting as many reviews as I hoped for, and I suppose it's not good to beg for reviews, but it's a bit discouraging that I haven't gotten as much feedback as I hoped. So please, if you have praise or criticism or any comments at all, then please review, because I'm eager to know what you think!


	14. The Worth of Sacrifice

**The Worth of Sacrifice**

Later on, in his dormitory, Severus flipped through the pages Dumbledore had handed out, fascinated by the Order of the Phoenix. It was a secret society that Dumbledore had formed to work against Lord Voldemort. There were apparently already many members, but all of them were adults. Never before had Dumbledore felt the need to recruit students. As Severus read about the traits Dumbledore looked for in those he recruited to the Order, as he read the many warnings of the danger inherent in committing oneself to resisting Voldemort and learned that this was the first time underage witches and wizard were allowed to join, he grew increasingly aware of what it would mean to become a member of the Order of the Phoenix. Only a few hours ago, as he had hurried eagerly to the great hall with the his friends, Severus had thought he was prepared to do anything it took to fight Voldemort. But now he realized that in order to help defeat Voldemort, he would have to be more than clever and trustworthy and brave. To join the Order of the Phoenix, he would have to be willing to make sacrifices. Suddenly it seemed very obvious, and Severus found that he had known the necessity for sacrifice, but had tried to ignore it. Feeling very small and inconsequential, Severus tossed the pamphlet aside. As it fluttered to the floor, he saw printed along the bottom of the cover, the words "burn these papers." Again, the potency of the danger he was already placing himself in and the secrecy of the organization he had a opportunity to involve himself in shocked him, taking him by surprise. Severus lifted the pamphlet, and his hand moved hesitantly towards the fire. He paused uncertainly, and then dropped the parchment onto the hot, glowing coals. Wavering orange flames licked up around the parchment, making its edges curl, protesting, away from the heat before enfolding the papers in a fiery caress, leaving only indistinguishable ashes behind. Severus flopped backwards onto the bed, lying on his back with his hands tucked behind his head. He searched for a quantifiable way of defining what he would be putting at stake if he joined the Order, and then decided that his entire life and existence summed it up. A high price to pay for agreeing to fight what seemed to be unavoidably a losing battle.

But then, without meaning or wanting to, he thought of Lily. He imagined her green eyes looking out at him from her pale, narrow face framed with her long, bright red hair. He shook his head, trying to rid himself of the unwanted image. Because now it was impossible to ignore that she was a Muggle-born. Lily was Muggle-born - and suddenly she represented to him everything that would be put in danger if people _didn't_ join the Order. With a sudden conviction, Severus knew that there was really no choice to be made. He would join the Order for her - for Lily and for all Muggle-borns and for the people who loved them.

Just as the acceptance of this resolve settled into his body and his mind, Severus's roommate wrenched the silver and green hangings around the four-poster bed aside and thrust towards him a rolled sheet of parchment. Severus took the paper, frowning. Who would want to write to him? As he turned over the paper, Severus saw that the impression of a phoenix in mid-flight had been stamped into the red sealing wax on the page. There was something awfully familiar about that image, and he realized with an unexpected jolt of surprise that it was identical to the picture of the soaring phoenix that represented the Order. With a sudden rush of excitement, Severus broke open the seal and unrolled the parchment. It was a handwritten note, and Severus was mildly surprised to see handwriting that he didn't recognize - narrow, loopy handwriting.

_Dear Severus,_

_When you have decided whether or not you wish to join the Order of the Phoenix, come and see me in my office. Make certain that you are alone when you come, and that nobody knows where you are going or why. You understand, I am sure, the necessity for such precautions._

_Thank you,_

_Albus Dumbledore_

_P.S. I like Pepper Imps._

Severus read the letter twice more, committing every word to memory, including the odd last line. Pepper Imps? What was the meaning of that? But Severus supposed it would turn out to be important somehow. After Severus was sure he knew the short note by heart, he threw it, too, into the fire, then bent and examined the ashes, making certain that all the paper had been burnt completely. He pulled out his wand and said, "_Scourgify!_" The charred remnants of the parchment vanished, and Severus was satisfied with his disposal of the pamphlet and the letter from Dumbledore.

He sat back on his bed and glanced over at the clock on his bedside table. It wasn't too late at night, only eight-o-clock. He reached down underneath his bed, rummaging for something Sirius had given him in the first weeks of their friendship. It was a mirror, wrapped in rough paper. He held it close to his face and said to the mirror, "Sirius Black!" It was the first time he'd tried to communicate that way, and he felt rather foolish, talking to a piece of glass. But then Padfoot's face appeared in the mirror, looking curiously up at him. Behind him Severus caught a glimpse of red and gold fabric that looked exactly like the green and silver canopy that surrounded his own bed. Sirius must be in the Gryffindor dormitories. "Padfoot!" Snape gasped excitedly, amazed that the two-way mirror functioned properly. "Did you read the pamphlet?"

"Yeah."

"And did you get Dubmledore's letter?" Sirius nodded. "Are you going to join the Order?" Severus asked, dropping his voice to a whisper even though he knew that only Sirius could hear.

Sirius nodded again, his merry grey eyes gleaming with eager anticipation. "Obviously. Do you honestly think I would let you and James and Moony and everybody else go carousing about, doing missions for the Order, while I'm still stuck doing boring homework and watching Quidditch matches just like always? I wouldn't miss any of it for the world."

Snape rolled his eyes. "It's not like we're going on an adventure, Sirius. And does that mean that Moony and Prongs are going to join, too?"

"Yeah, they are." Sirius paused for a moment, and then his face lit up with a mischievous grin. "And Lily is joining too, you know."

"She is? Really? Are you serious?"

"Yup, that's me, Sirius Black."

"Not funny, Padfoot." Severus scowled for a moment, then beamed again. "So when are you going to go see Dumbledore? Or have you already?"

"No, I haven't gone yet. I was thinking, maybe, tomorrow afternoon. Why don't you come with me then?"

"We have to go alone, remember? And actually, I was thinking about going now."

"_Now?_ It's almost time for dinner. What's the hurry for? You know, Severus, it's not like we're going on an adventure." Sirius wagged his finger at Snape with mock severity.

Severus laughed, but shook his head. "No. I want to do this now. And besides, tomorrow I have to practice for the Defense Against the Dark Arts test."

"Prince, you're about to join the _Order_. What better practice for Defense Against the Dark Arts could there possibly _be_?"

"Well, I guess you have a point there," Severus laughed. "Whatever. I'll see you later?"

"Right. Bye." Sirius slowly faded away from the mirror, leaving only cold, flat glass.

Severus swung his legs over the edge of the bed, and stooped to put away the mirror. He straightened up, squared his shoulders, and walked out of his dormitory to join the Order of the Phoenix.

* * *

A/N: I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and that you like the new direction the plot is taking. Thanks to anybody who read, alerted, favorited, and reviewed. Reviews are what keep me writing and posting, so please tell me your opinions!


	15. Double Agent

**Double Agent**

Severus was halfway to the large gargoyle in front of Dumbledore's office before he realized that there must be some sort of password, and that he didn't know what it was. He hesitated, unsure what to do, but then decided he might as well go and see if there wasn't any way he could enter the office without knowing the password. He reached the stone gargoyle, and stood before it, wondering what to do. He ran over the contents of Dumbledore's letter in his head, and paused when he remembered the last line. Dumbledore had said he liked Pepper Imps. It was the only thing in the letter that hadn't made any sense in the context of the Order… perhaps Pepper Imp was the password. "Er, Pepper Imp?" Severus said quietly, making it sound almost like a question and feeling very foolish. But the gargoyle began to move: it jumped aside, revealing an opening in the wall. Severus stepped inside, and rode a moving spiral staircase up to Dumbledore's office. The entrance was a heavy oak door, with an ornate metal handle. Severus, heart thumping loudly, took a deep breath and knocked three times, hard, on the door. Dumbledore opened it right away, and looked down on Severus, beaming.

"Come in Severus," Dumbledore said, beckoning him inside and indicating a chair across from a large desk covered with numerous strange instruments. "So, my boy, you are the first to come and see me. You have made your decision?"

Severus began to answer aloud, but his mouth was suddenly very dry, so he nodded his head instead, not trusting himself to speak.

"And?" Dumbledore asked, smiling again encouragingly.

"I want to join the Order. Sir." Severus added quickly, not wanting Dumbledore to think he was ill-mannered.

"You accept the dangerous consequences that your choice may entail?"

"No, sir. I understand them, but I do not accept them. I am, however, willing to face them."

Dumbledore was silent for a moment, scrutinizing Severus's face carefully. Finally, his said, "A wise change of word choice, Severus. Never accept danger. It is our duty as part of the Order always to struggle against that which unjustly oppresses."

Severus's hammering heart leapt. "_Our_ duty? Does that mean you have accepted me as a member? Sir?"

Dumbledore's long beard twitched as though he were trying not to laugh. "Did you really think I would turn you down, my boy?" Severus did not think he was supposed to answer this question, so he kept quiet and waited. "Yes, Severus, of course you may join the Order. Tonight, I will give you your first… for lack of a better word, your first mission. This is more of a request than an instruction, because I am going to ask more from you than I have a right to reasonably expect. If you don't want to take this responsibility on, I will more than understand. I would like you to become a Death Eater."

"A - a Death Eater, sir? Become one of Voldemort's allies?"

"I need a spy - a double agent. My spy needs to be a Slytherin, because many Death Eaters believe that Dark wizards and witches only come from the House of Salazar Slytherin. Lord Voldemort, of course, knows better than that; he doesn't underestimate that abilities represented by any of the Houses. However, it is essential that you are trusted not only by Lord Voldemort himself, but also by everyone within his inner circle. It is his helpers, not the man himself, who are most likely to be sources of information. Your task would be to find out whatever you could about Voldemort's plans, or anything else that might be of importance, and give reports about it during meetings of the Order. At the same time, you must help Lord Voldemort enough to prevent him doubting your allegiance. I must warn you that, unlike the Order, one cannot resign from the Death Eaters. That would be asking to die. Would you join the Death Eaters? Or would it be too great a sacrifice to make?" Dumbledore looked at Severus intently.

Severus hesitated. He was willing to take on the risk of joining the Death Eaters to spy for Dumbledore; after all, what good would it do to join the Order if he wasn't going to be useful? But he wasn't sure he was capable enough. What if he did something wrong, and exposed the entire Order of the Phoenix? He realized suddenly that Dumbledore was still waiting for an answer, and snapped out of his reverie.

"You can take your time considering, Severus," Dumbledore reminded him gently. "There's no need to answer me now."

"May I ask a question, sir?" Severus said timidly.

"Certainly."

"I was wondering… why did you pick me to do this? Is it only because I'm the only Slytherin in the Order of the Phoenix?"

"I chose you, Severus, because you are the perfect person for the job. There was always something different about you, something I noticed when you first came here to Hogwarts. I think is a tendency towards passionate dedication and loyalty, and a persistence and intelligence that has allowed you to succeed in the face of adversity."

Severus felt his face flush bright red. "I will do as you have told me, sir. I will join the Death Eaters and spy on them to the best of my ability," he stammered nervously.

Dumbledore beamed. "Thank you, Severus. Keep in mind that it would be prudent of you to not tell others that you are a Death Eater unless they are in Slytherin. It is not something to flaunt, even with your friends, Mr. Potter, Black, and Lupin. After all, they would be most jealous that you get to venture into enemy territory. Do I have your word that you will not mention what you are doing to anyone who is not in the Slytherin House?"

Severus paused. The idea of keeping a secret from Sirius and James and Lupin made him uneasy. They were entirely trustworthy, and they would be so disappointed if they found out he was hiding something from them. After all, they were like brothers to him… Looking up, Severus saw that Dumbledore was still waiting for an answer, so he gulped and whispered reluctantly, "Yes, sir. You have my word."

Dumbledore nodded, satisfied, and continued, "Since the Order of the Phoenix is a secret society, we cannot have meetings at regular intervals. In order to discreetly notify the members when a meeting will take place, I have bewitched these Remembralls," Dumbledore indicated a large cardboard box full of small, glass spheres filled with white, cloudy smoke. "Normally, these change colour when you've forgotten to do something. I altered them so that the smoke inside will turn red at the time of a meeting. If the smoke glows red, look into the ball and you will see, written in the red smoke, information such as the time, date, and site at which the meeting will take place. Do you understand?"

Severus nodded.

"Then I think that is all. Feel free to come and speak to me any time if you are ever in need of something. I will do whatever I can to help you. Until the Remembrall is red, good day and good luck." Dumbledore pressed one of the glass globes into Severus's hand and ushered him out the door.

* * *

A/N: I hope you liked the chapter, I know I was slow getting it up. I hope I haven't lost your interest. Thanks to my reviewers, who keep me encouraged to write and post my stories. Read. Review. Please.


	16. Choices

**Choices**

Dinner had already begun, so the halls were empty as Severus hurried towards the Great Hall. He slipped into his usual seat at the end of the Slytherin table, his face flushed with his hurry and with his excitement at being a member of the Order. Oblivious to the other Slytherins staring at him with mild curiosity, he looked directly across the Great Hall to where the other Marauders were clustered at the Gryffindor table. Remus caught his eye and raised his eyebrows. Severus nodded happily in response to the silent question, and they all gave him a thumbs-up. Severus ate quickly, eager to talk to the Slytherins and figure out how to join the Death Eaters. As soon as he finished, he rose and left the Great Hall. When he was almost at the dungeons, he heard footsteps behind him, and he paused. James appeared around a corner, closely followed by Sirius and Remus. "Where are you going?" James panted. "Off to your common room without even giving us the details? You're in the Order now, right?"

"Yeah. Of course I am," Severus said, suddenly uncomfortable. At that moment, there was nothing he wanted to do more than share with his friends what his dangerous mission was. He considered breaking his word to Dumbledore, but immediately banished the thought from his mind. Of course he could not do that.

"And?" Sirius said, impatient, "Did Dumbledore give you instructions yet?"

"Um…" Severus hesitated, trying to think of something he could tell them that would be honest, and yet would not involve him becoming a Death Eater. "He gave me a Remembrall," Severus finally replied. "It turns red to let me know when there's a meeting for the Order."

Severus looked up into the faces of his friends, and he could see that they were disappointed. They gazed at him, waiting to see if there was more. Severus stared down at his shoes and fiddled anxiously with his green and silver Slytherin tie.

"Is that all?" James asked, breaking the awkward silence.

Severus was quiet for a long moment, trying to decide where his responsibility fell. At last he, "Yes. That's all."

"Oh, come on, you were gone for at least half an hour."

Severus bit his lip, hating the half-formed excuses in his mind that grew progressively feeble. He decided to go with honesty. After all, there was nothing wrong with telling the truth. "Look, mate, I - I wish I could explain better, but Dumbledore made me promise not to tell what I'm doing for the Order."

"Well, for Merlin's pants' sake, why _not_?" burst out James. "He offered us to be in the Order, too, how is it fair that he won't let the members even talk to each other?"

"He said it would be more prudent if I didn't tell you. I would if I could, but I can't. You guys know that, right? I want to mate, really I do."

"Yeah. We know." James said, contrite, no hint of impatience in his voice even though Severus could see that he was still irritated at Dumbledore. "Of course we understand. After all, Moony here-" he paused to give Remus a playful shove "- didn't tell us what he was for three whole years.

"I _will_ tell you if I can," vowed Severus, looking anxiously at Sirius, the first real friend he'd ever had at Hogwarts besides Lily Evans.

"We know you will," Padfoot assured him.

* * *

When Severus entered the common room, it was already half full, and all the comfortable chairs near the fire were occupied. He looked around at the room, and realized that he barely knew any of these people. They'd never really liked him much, and now he would have to learn from them how to go about joining the Death Eaters. He scanned the room, searching for a face that he knew, and finally his eyes rested upon Avery and Mulciber, with whom he'd shared an obsession with the Dark arts for a while. He approached them, and sat down, giving them a tentative smile.

"What are you doing here, Snivellus? What's happened to all your mudblood Gryffindor chums?"

Severus winced at their harsh language, and then sighed. This was going to be just as difficult as he'd expected. "I wanted to hang around with you guys," he said, hoping to sound like he meant it, when really he wished he was outside by the lake with the Marauders, capering about beneath the full moon and exploring new passageways with the help of the Marauders' Map.

Mulciber's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Why?"

"Well, don't you want to talk about how to get rid of all those Mudbloods once and for all?" he asked, trying to remember why exactly he had ever wanted to be friends with Avery and Mulciber. The insults about Muggle-borns seemed strange and foreign on his tongue, even though he knew it was only a short time ago when he'd thought he actually _believed _those things. Luckily, though, Avery and Mulciber seemed to accept his reason.

"Yeah, those Gryffindor scum just don't get it. People who support Mudbloods are just as bad as the Mudbloods themselves. Gryffindors just haven't got proper wizarding pride. They ought to be chucked out," Avery put in enthusiastically.

"You know," Severus began, trying to hide his nervousness and hoping that his companions could not hear his wildly racing heart, "I wish I could _do_ something to help the You-Know-Who. I mean - it's all very well to sit here and complain about the Mudbloods, but that doesn't let us make any _progress._" Severus purposely slipped into the plural at the end of his sentence_._ "I want to really get involved."

Mulciber leaned forward. "You can, Snape. The Dark Lord has got a bunch of followers. Death Eaters, they're called. They help him out - trace blood lineages through families, report Mudbloods, track blood traitors." Mulciber paused and his chest swelled with pride. "And _I'm_ one of them." Severus tried to refrain from rolling his eyes, what kind of a person could possibly find pride in helping to eradicate innocent people?

"Really?" Severus said, amazed at this quick success and trying to seem envious. "How can I join?"

"I'll tell you what, Snape," Mulciber said, "You talk to Lucius Malfoy - you know, our prefect? He's pretty close to the Dark Lord, one of You-Know-Who's most trusted Death Eaters. He helped me join; I bet he can help you, too."

"Okay, thanks." Severus stood up and looked across the long, low common room towards Lucius. He was tall, with pale blonde hair and a narrow face with a pointed chin. He was twirling his wand absently between his white fingers. Severus was instantly intimidated by the popular seventh-year. He approached cautiously.

"Excuse me - Lucius?" He said rather timidly, coming up behind Malfoy.

Lucius looked up, and his light blue eyes widened in surprise. "Yes, Severus?" he said, amiably enough, and Severus was surprised and pleased that Lucius hadn't called him Snivellus.

"I was wondering if you could give me some advice?"

"Certainly, what do you need?" Malfoy asked agreeably.

"I wish to help the Dark Lord in his quest to purify the wizarding race and eliminate wizards and witches whose blood has been sullied with that of Muggles. I wish to become a Death Eater…?" Severus realized too late that he'd made his last and most important sentence sound like a question. "I heard that you could help me." He struggled to sound confident, and had to remind himself that this was something he was supposed to want to do. He was revolted by the words he'd just uttered, even though he knew it was all for the sake of the Order of the Phoenix. He closed his eyes to steady himself, but behind his eyelids he was unwillingly seeing Lily's face, and it was harsh with disapproval.

Meanwhile, Lucius was talking, and Severus tried to pay attention. "… and I'll let the Dark Lord know your request. I don't think he will refuse you, especially if I recommend you personally to him."

"Thank you. That's just what I needed. You'll let me know what the Dark Lord says?"

"Yes, Severus. I am very glad that you have chosen to help us, as any true Slytherin should." As Severus walked up to his dormitory, he though bitterly to himself, _If only I _could_ choose. Choose not to do this._ Severus flung himself onto his four-poster bed, hating himself and resenting what Dumbledore was making him do.

* * *

A/N: I was a little uncertain of how in character the other Slytherins in this chapter were, and I didn't like the beginning part of this chapter but I felt like Severus ought to have some sort of conversation with the Marauders as a sort of bridge. So some feedback on that or on any other aspect of this story would be appreciated. I know I've said this before, and I don't want to be repetitive, but I'm barely getting reviews, and the ones I do get are from the same people (thanks to those of you). So please review.


	17. Found Out

**Found Out**

Two weeks later, everything seemed to be back to normal. Severus spent whatever time he could with James, Sirius, and Remus. They had all been inducted into the Order as well, and did not seem to mind at all that he was keeping secrets from them about what he was doing. They simply understood. Every day, after dinner, he went to his common room, where Avery and Mulciber included him in their vile conversations and evil humor. He escaped to his dormitory whenever he had the chance.

And then, one day at lunch, Lucius came to sit next to Severus. "I told the Dark Lord about you, and your desire to become a Death Eater," Malfoy said. "He seemed quite pleased at the prospect of having you on our side. He would like to meet with you tonight in the Room of Requirement. Is that agreeable with you?"

Severus nodded.

"Good. I look forward to working with you in the future as a Death Eater." Lucius shook his hand and moved off, farther down the table.

* * *

Severus stood nervously just outside the Room of Requirement. He thought, _I need to become a Death Eater. I need to see You-Know-Who so that I can become a Death Eater._ A door appeared in the wall, and Severus walked through. The room he entered was cold and unfurnished other than two stiff, wooden, high-backed chairs that sat facing each other in the center of the room. Severus looked up at the ceiling and saw that on it was a poster of a skull, its jaw hanging open in a grotesque manner, with a serpent lolling of the bony mouth. Severus tried not to shudder at the horrible image. Lord Voldemort was seated in one of the chairs.

"Ah, Severus. You seek to serve me in my quest to purify the blood of the wizarding world and rid our community of Mudbloods, I understand?" The Dark Lord's voice was high and cold. It was disturbingly dead, flat, lacking inflection or feeling.

Severus chose his words carefully. He knew that You-Know-Who had the ability to sense when someone was lying, and so he spoke cautiously. "I seek to become a Death Eater, my Lord."

"I am glad, my boy. We need all the help we can get. Have a seat, Severus. And what is your blood status, may I venture?"

Severus suddenly wished he was pure blood, and an instinct for self-preservation urged him to lie. He fought off the thought before answering slowly, "Half-blood, sir. Witch mother and Muggle father." Severus was pleased that his voice twisted in hate as he said the word "father." It would add nicely to the hating-Mudblood charade, even though he did not dislike his father because of his lack of magical blood.

"That's all right, my boy," Lord Voldemort said, his voice taking on an assuring tone. Dumbledore had warned him of this at previous meetings; Lord Voldemort could be very persuasive. "It was not your fault that your mother chose to breed with filth," Severus's hand clenched into a fist, how dare somebody insult Eileen Prince! Voldemort continued, his eyes flickering to Severus's balled-up fist and then back up to his face. I see you share the same sentiment, Voldemort continued, smiling slightly as he mistook Severus's anger as directed towards his parents. "I will accept you as a Death Eater, Severus. I believe that you will be very helpful to me, and I am rarely wrong. Come here, Severus." Severus rose from his chair and approached Voldemort. "Hold out your left arm," the cold voice ordered. Severus panicked, wondering if he was about to make an unbreakable vow and fearing what You-Know-Who would demand from him. "Look up at the ceiling," Voldemort said. "Do you see the skull and snake?"

Severus nodded.

"That is my symbol. The Death Eaters' symbol. When a person joins me, I brand that image into their arm as a means of communication and identification. That is what I am going to do to you now. Is that all right?"

Severus nodded again, knowing that there was really no choice any more, that there had never really been any choice. Lord Voldemort still waited. "Yes," Severus whispered.

Voldemort smiled down at Severus, a twisted, cruel smile. "That's right. Be brave."

Voldemort lifted his wand, and pointed it at Severus's forearm. Searing pain burst out up and down Severus's arm, and he clenched his jaw as Voldemort's symbol was burned onto his skin.

* * *

When Severus dressed and went down to the Slytherin common room the next morning, Lucius Malfoy welcomed him happily, wringing his hand, saying, "The Dark Lord told me of the new addition to us Death Eaters. Congratulations!"

Severus managed a sort of smile that was half grimace.

"May I?" asked Lucius, indicating with his chin Severus's forearm.

"Certainly."

Lucius's thumb pushed up the left sleeve of Severus's robe, pulling back the hem to reveal the Dark Mark, livid against the pale skin. Lucius traced the skull lightly with the cold tip of his finger.

"I am so glad you've joined us, Severus. I always thought you would be a very valuable Death Eater. The Dark Lord is pleased as well, he'd had his eye on your for a while. You could eventually become his right-hand man, you know."

Severus turned away to hide his shock. You-Know-Who had had his _eye on him_? Collecting himself, Snape smiled warmly back at Lucius, thanking him.

* * *

As he walked to Herbology, Severus found that he didn't mind being a Death Eater as much as he thought he would. The more familiar he became with the idea, the better he felt. Rather than weighing down his conscience, he was buoyed by the knowledge that he'd succeeded in becoming a Death Eater, that, as a Slytherin, he was capable of serving in the Order in a way that no one else could. He was _spying on the enemy. _The idea of it thrilled him. He remembered how, as a small eleven year old boy, he'd wished desperately to get into Slytherin, and how, in the past few months with the Marauders, he'd regretted it. But now, he'd never loved being a Slytherin so much. _I'm helping to save Muggle-borns_, he thought happily. _I'm helping save people like Lily…_

Once in the greenhouse, Severus knelt next to a Venomous Tentacula alongside James, Sirius, and Remus, who were working with the same plant. The vines wriggled and snapped at the students, who approached the plants warily with clippers to prune them. Severus leaned away from a particularly long shoot that was reaching towards his dangling Slytherin tie, and reached up to snip off the overgrown branch. Just as he succeeded in grabbing a firm hold on the spiny thorns, the loose sleeve of his robe slipped, revealing the skull and snake burned onto his forearm.

Severus released the plant and yanked the fabric back in place, but it was too late. He had already heard three distinct gasps of horror, and looked fearfully up to see that all three pairs of his friends' eyes were riveted to the place on Severus's arm where the Dark Mark had been visible. James's hazel eyes slowly moved upwards, glaring, to Severus's face.

"You're a Death Eater." It wasn't a question, it was a flatly spoken accusation. Severus flinched away from the words. Though they were spoken barely above a whisper, their edges were sharp like broken glass.

"Yes, but -"

"I trusted you, and you're a Death Eater."

"I'm sorry, but-"

"All this time you've been keeping secrets from us, and we thought it was about the Order." Severus had never seen James so angry, and he remembered suddenly that James considered betrayal to one's friends the worst kind of treachery.

"It was, you don't understand!" Severus blurted out in another attempt to explain himself.

"There's nothing left to understand, _Snivellus._ Well, I hope you've been enjoying some quality time with your Death Eater pals, because they're all you've got now." James kicked at the potted Venomous Tentacula, and it toppled over into Severus, the spines twining around his face, the branches attacking him.

Professor Sprout hurried over, pulling away the plant. Severus was vaguely aware of the slashes across his face, and of Professor Sprout scolding James for carelessness. He allowed himself to be escorted to the hospital wing numbly, oblivious to what was happening around him. After Madam Pomfrey attended to him, she gave him a potion to drink, and he drifted off into a slumber haunted by Voldemort waiting in the room of Requirement, the brand on his arm, and the look on his friends' faces when they'd seen it.

* * *

A/N: I wrote this chapter really hurriedly, so it may have typos and grammatical mistakes and such; I haven't proofread it at all. So sorry about that. Read. Review.


	18. Confessions

**Confessions**

Severus woke up, and found himself looking into a pair of bright green eyes. Lily was leaning over his head, her long hair tumbling over her shoulders and falling across the white bed sheets. Severus was at first overjoyed to see her, and then, suddenly remembering the events leading up to his stay in the hospital wing, he wished that he hadn't woken up. He squeezed his eyes shut again and turned his face away into the pillow, hoping to disappear.

"Sev?" Lily's voice was wary, but not unkind.

Severus sighed and rolled over, struggling to sit up. Better to get it over with than to wait and worry. "Hullo," he said dully, wondering why she had come. James must not yet have told her what had happened.

"How do you feel?" Lily asked.

"Fine. How's my face?"

"Madam Pomfrey mended it, but she'll need to examine you again before you can go."

"Oh." _It doesn't really matter, anyway_, Severus thought to himself. _Nothing matters anymore._ Giving up trying to make small talk, he asked, "So why are you here? Besides to visit me, I mean."

"Well…" Lily hesitated, and Severus knew that James had told her.

"Go on, just go ahead and say it. I'm a loathsome, foul git and you can't believe you ever trusted me in the first place, right?"

"Not exactly," Lily said, frowning. "James told me about what he saw, but I didn't come here to insult you. I just wanted to give you this." She shyly offered a handmade card. Severus felt himself blushing.

"Oh - er, thanks - I really appreciate that, you know." Severus stammered, trying to collect himself.

"Severus, I don't understand why you joined the Death Eaters, but I still trust you."

"Why?" Severus's voice was incredulous.

Lily smiled at Snape's surprise, and said simply, "I don't know why. Maybe I'm crazy, but it just seems like there's something more to this that I don't understand, and if I knew, it would explain everything. And after all, James _is_ rather quick to blame people."

Snape thought of his promise to Dumbledore, and was suddenly taken with a sense of reckless abandon. Why shouldn't he break his word to Dumbledore? He didn't owe Dumbledore anything. He didn't owe Lily or the Marauders an explanation, either, but he _wanted_ to tell them. He had wanted to from the beginning. _And_, whispered a small, defiant voice in his mind, _you're not going to let Dumbledore stop you. If you can't trust your friends with your secrets, how can you expect them to trust you?_

"I joined because -"

Lily interrupted him, "Oh, no, I wasn't demanding reasons from you. That's not what I meant."

Snape shook his head. "No, you're not demanding anything from me, and that's much kinder than I deserve, but I'm going to tell you everything anyway." Beginning with his induction to the Order, and ending with the Herbology fiasco, Severus told Lily how he had come to be Death Eater.

"Dumbledore _made_ you do that?" Lily gasped once Snape had finished. "But how _could _he? You're only sixteen years old, Sev. He's using you like that just because you're the only Slytherin in the Order? Don't let him do that to you, resign from the Death Eaters or something. You've _got_ to."

"Um, I can't exactly walk up to the Dark Lord and ask to be dismissed. It's sort of an all-or-nothing kind of deal. But it's not Dumbledore's fault. He didn't force me to join You-Know-Who, he merely requested me to do so. And I don't really mind so much. It's not so bad, if I remember that I'm helping to fight You-Know-Who."

"But Severus, why did you agree to join? Don't you realize what You-Know-Who will do to you if he ever finds out that you're spying for the Order? That's a huge sacrifice!"

"What, do you suppose I didn't think about it before I decided to go spy on the most dangerous Dark wizard the magical community has ever seen? You think I just humored a whim of mine?" Severus asked rather irritably.

"No," Lily said slowly, frowning slightly. "Just - what made it all worth it?"

"How could I do nothing? How could I be satisfied with keeping myself perfectly safe while you're a Muggle-born, while you're in so much danger -" Severus stopped talking abruptly and looked down at his sheets, his sentence unfinished and his words still hanging in the air between him and Lily. He rather wished that he hadn't displayed quite so transparently his motivation for everything.

"Anyway, you only told me about James's reaction. What about Sirius and Remus?" Severus asked, changing the subject while voicing a concern that had been nagging at him since he'd woken up.

"Oh, I don't know. I only talked to James."

"You've been hanging around with Potter quite a bit," Severus observed, the old jealousy returning more strongly than ever now that his friendship with James seemed to be terminated.

Lily rolled her eyes at him. "_I _am_ here_. You want to waste this time talking about James?"

Severus grinned, and they chatted pleasantly until Madam Pomfrey poked her head around the curtain hanging around Snape's bed. "You've got another visitor, dear," she told him," and then glanced over at Lily. "You'll have to leave, Miss Evans, you've already been here far too long. How will he recover with all this excitement?" she asked, bustling away and shaking her head with dismay at the many dangers of having visitors..

Lily stood up to go, and as she left, Remus came around the curtain.

"Hey," Remus said, not quite meeting Snape's eyes. "Here, I brought your stuff - you left all your books and things behind in Herbology." Remus placed a book-bag at the foot of Severus's bed. "What's up?"

"Not very much. I imagine you're having a much more exiting time. I'm sorry about Herbology, I ought to have told you guys what was going on to begin with. It was inevitable that you'd all find out. I can't believe I was so pig-headed. Look, I know I don't deserve any favors, but can you get James and Sirius to come up here, too? I need to talk to all of you. I want you to understand why I'm a Death Eater."

"I'll try to understand, thought frankly I can't see how that's possible. And James and Sirius said they weren't going to visit. They're rather put out with you." Remus sighed, looking tired.

"And you aren't?"

"Well, I guess I am, but I understand what secrets are, and why people have to keep them. I didn't tell anyone I was a werewolf for three years after I came to Hogwarts. James and Sirius never had to keep any secrets like that, so they've got less patience."

"If you get them to come here, I can explain my secret to all of you at once. I don't want to wait until Madam Pomfrey lets me out of here. And I think they're going to be more likely to listen if I'm at a disadvantage compared to them - which I clearly am if I'm stuck in a hospital bed with my wand lying on a table a full three feet away from me. Hang on - I think I have Sirius's two-way mirror with me."

Remus rummaged in Severus's bag and surfaced with the mirror. "Here. Good luck with that," he said, a doubtful frown creating a small crease between his eyes.

Severus took the mirror and brought it close to his face. "Sirius?" he called quietly, feeling rather foolish to be talking to a mirror.

Sirius's face swam into view, and in the background, Snape could hear James callingm "Who's there?"

"Oh. It's you," Sirius said shortly into the mirror. "I thought it might be Remus. I don't want to talk to you. It's only Snivellus, James." Sirius called over his shoulder.

Sirius was beginning to turn away, but then Remus snatched the mirror from Snape's hand. "Padfoot, Prongs, wait up. Come up here for just a minute. Please."

"No." It was James's voice this time, and his tone was final. "If Snivelly wants to talk to me, he can come and ask me. I'm not going to hang about with a Death Eater, and I don't think you should either, Rem."

"Well, he _was_ going to talk to you. But you started to leave, so I intervened," Remus said.

"Fine. Fair enough. Let's go, James. Moony's right, Snape didn't get a chance to say whatever he wanted to say. If he was a Death Eater, why would he try to talk to us? We'll give him five minutes, and then we can leave," Sirius acquiesced softly.

"Okay," James said, and his voice was faint; they were leaving the mirror now, their images blurring and fading away. "I'll go, though I honestly don't give two knuts for whatever he's going to try to tell us. How can you doubt he's a Death Eater, you saw the Mark yourself…"

Snape smiled. With Remus and Sirius willing to hear him out, there was a chance he could put things right with them again.

* * *

Severus leaned back against his pillows, weary from having just repeated to the Marauders all the events leading up to joining the Death Eaters. Now they were all staring at him from their seats by the edge of his bed, their expressions ones of concern mingled with awe and, in James's case, jealousy.

"_Brilliant!," _James said, leaning forward eagerly. "You're actually _spying_ on You-Know-Who! And we haven't even gotten instructions from Dumbledore yet - we haven't even had a group meeting! Why do you get all the fun?"

"Very tactful, James," muttered Padfoot sarcastically. "Half an hour ago you hated him, and now you envy him."

"Oh - right - I'm sorry I was such a git. Honsetly. But how could Dumbledore let us miss out on all the excitement? That is _so_ unfair." James sighed, frustrated.

Severus grinned. "Dumbledore expected you'd want to get in on the action. That's one of the reasons why he said I couldn't tell you what I was doing."

"Oh? And what were the other reasons?"

"He said I shouldn't tell too many people - the more people know what I'm doing, the greater chance there is that Voldemort finds out."

"But we'd _never_ give you away! Not even if You-Know-Who tortured us - the Cruciatus curse!" Sirius said. "Dumbledore must have known that if he trusted us to let us join the Order. _You_ know that, right?"

"'Course I do. Why else would I have told you all this?" Snape said.

Remus smiled. "See, guys?" he said, his expression slightly smug. "After covering up my abnormality for three years, how could you not understand about having to keep secrets? I _told_ you that Severus wasn't evil."

"Yeah, well, you were always the brainy one." James muttered quietly, abashed. Madame Pomfrey bustled in, flapping her arms like a mother hen to shoo out Severus's visitors. "Enough, you've been here far too long, this boy needs rest - no, don't argue, out you go. OUT!"

* * *

A/N: I'm having major writer's block with this, which is why my updates haven't been very regular. I'm trying to gradually bring the story to a close because, as much as I love writing this, it's hindering me from getting to some other ideas I have. So I've ended up rushing the pace of the story so that I can bring it to a conclusion. I'm not there yet, but hopefully soon. Anyway, all of that is leading to writer's block, so sorry if this chapter wasn't as good as you hoped. Also: I'd like to give a much-delayed thanks to Taylur for becoming a very dedicated reader and kind reviewer of my stories. Thank you! Reviews = love, so please review.


	19. Mind Games

**Mind Games**

Severus lay awake in bed, restless, the fingers of his right hand tracing random patterns along the ugly mark on his left forearm. He stared into the empty darkness of the hospital wing, wishing there was something interesting to do. Suddenly, a shuffling sound in the darkness made him jerk upright and grope for his wand on the bedside table.

"Shhh! It's just me. Prongs. Stop making such a ruckus, you'll wake Madame Pomfrey. I've got something to tell you." The shuffling sound drew closer, and with a flourish, James pulled off the invisibility cloak and tossed it aside. "So I was reading -"

"What?" interrupted Severus. "Since when do _you _read?"

"- in the restricted section -"

"What were you doing in there?"

"Oh, shut up and listen, will you? I'm telling you. So I was reading in the restricted section -under the cloak, of course - and I was looking up stuff about Death Eaters and You-Know-Who. Because, you know, you got me thinking." James glanced at Severus's left forearm.

"And you used to make fun of _me _for being obsessed with the Dark Arts," Severus broke in again, wagging his finger at James playfully.

"Whatever. So I learned that You-Know-Who is a Legilimens, a mind reader."

"You have no subtlety, Legilimency isn't as simple as mere mind reading," Snape commented. "What of it, though? I mean, did you expect less from the most dangerous Dark Wizard of all time?

"But did you know that there's a way to defend yourself against Legilimency? It's called Occlumency, and it closes your mind to other people. So I thought, since you're a double agent and all," James whispered, his hazel eyes gleaming eagerly, "That you might want to learn it. To protect yourself." Snape's expression was one of incredulous surprise, and James grinned happily at Severus's stunned silence. "So, are you going to give it a go? I read that it's really hard, and that you have to practice all the time, but it's definitely worth it, I think. And besides, if anyone's got the patience to learn it, you do."

"Where's that book? You didn't, by any chance, bring it with you?"

James's grin broadened, as though he'd been anticipating this response, and he withdrew a fat, yellowed book from the silvery folds of the invisibility cloak.

* * *

"_Nox_," Severus whispered hurriedly, putting out the light that shone from the tip of his wand and quickly stowing the Occlumency book under the covers as Mulciber mutter restlessly in his sleep and rolled over onto his side. It was Snape's first night out of the hospital wing, and he'd finally been able to make some headway in the Occlumency book now that he didn't have to duck the book under his covers every time Madame Pomfrey showed up. However, even now that he'd gotten to read peacefully, he was disappointed in his findings. Though interesting, the book had not been very useful. It seemed that, like flying on brooms, Occlumency wasn't something you could learn from a book. The yellowed pages said only things like, "Occlumency is a magical discipline that shields the user's mind from external penetration. It is the only known defense against Legilimency." and a few pages later, "The workings of Occlumency are intricate, requiring intense mental concentration and daily practice." There was nothing about how to actually _do_ Occlumency, it was all about the abstract theory. Severus frowned, annoyed with himself. He always liked to count on books for everything. They were reliable, unchanging, and trustworthy. Many times his schoolbooks had been his only connection to the wizarding world during the summer breaks. So Severus hated it when his books failed him. Mulciber was snoring softly now, but Severus made no effort to continue reading. Clearly, Occlumency was a skill to passed on from individual to individual, not by books. The question, then, was who could teach him? He thought fleetingly of his mother, but then remembered the searing pain of the Dark mark as it had been branded onto his skin, and he gritted his teeth resolutely against pulling his mother into the dangerous sphere he'd entered when he joined the Order and then the Death Eaters. His mother had enough to worry about anyway… Frowning, Severus ran through all the accomplished witches and wizards he knew. There was Dumbledore, of course, but Snape was loath to trouble the headmaster with his problems. He'd agreed to be a spy, Dumbledore hadn't chosen him just make more work for himself… and then, the idea came to him, easily, naturally. Why not enlist the help of the most accomplished Occlumens known? The Dark Lord was getting impatient with Severus's lackluster anti-Muggleborn sentiment; while most of the young recruits like Avery and Mulciber were actively providing lists of blood-status, Severus had so far been able to avoid these tasks that reminded him of Lily's name, which was sure to be on one of the lists. Wouldn't You-Know-Who understand more than anyone that Snape must be able to shield his mind from teachers at Hogwarts, to conceal the act that he was a Death Eater? Would a double agent, a spy, have good cause to learn Occlumency? Snape, having made a decision, immediately began to act upon it.

He rolled out of bed, and wondered how he could possibly contact the Dark Lord. He could write a letter, but that seemed childish and dangerous. Letters could always be intercepted, and Severus could hardly expect the Dark Lord to teach Occlumency to a child who lacked even the discretion to contact him safely. No, he would have to see the Dark Lord in person. He leaned his elbows on the windowsill, pressing his nose against the cold glass, his breath making foggy circles against the glass. The moon was shinning brightly, a ripe silver gibbous moon suspended among the stars. Severus gazed absently up at it, mentally calculating how long it'd be before he and the other Marauders changed into their Animagus forms and headed to the Shrieking Shack as Remus transformed into a wolf. As Severus recalled the first time that he'd transformed into a raven, he suddenly realized that, as a small dark winged bird, he was free, free to leave the castle and seek the help of You-Know-Who. Free to perform his duty to the Order of the Phoenix and Learn Occlumency. Severus quietly shoved the pane of glass up, glancing anxiously at Avery and Mulciber in their beds as the heavy window groaned and the crisp November air rushed into the room. Severus closed his eyes, concentrating, and then, with a slight pop, was replaced with a glossy raven perched on the windowsill. Severus spread his dark wings and soared gracefully into the night.

Severus had flown all over Hogsmeade, scouting out the area for the Marauder's explorations on their excursions during the full moon, but he'd never been on a long journey before, so he was somewhat apprehensive as, with a bird's instinctual sense of direction, he pointed his long, curved beak towards Knockturn Alley in London. He didn't know where to find the You-Know-Who, but he was sure that someone at Borgin and Burkes could help him. The place was open at all hours. As he approached the crowded city, soaring easily over rooftops on the crest of wind currents, he saw that, indeed, all that the lights of the shop were on. He perched by a window, and saw that the store was transformed. A long rectangular table replaced the usual rows of dangerous curiosities, which had all been moved to a corner. Hooded figures in dark cloaks were filing in the door as Severus watched, and as one of them entered, pushing the fabric back from his face, Snape caught sight of the long, pale hair of Lucius Malfoy's father. Glancing at the people as they entered, Severus realized that he'd happened upon a meeting of all the highest ranking Death Eaters. Sure enough, a tall, thin man Apparated onto the street, and Snape recognized the flattened, snakelike face of the Dark Lord himself.

Severus was about to turn away and head back to Hogwarts without a second thought when he suddenly realized how much courage it had taken to come here, and he understood somehow that he'd never try again to reach the Dark Lord, having failed so spectacularly the first time. With a flutter of wings, the bird swooped gracefully to the ground, and a moment later, Severus stood before the Dark Lord in the lighted doorway of Borgin and Burkes.

Voldemort's eyes narrowed and Severus could have sworn the hand in You-Know-Who's pocket tightened round his wand. "Severus?" asked Volemort. "I believe that this meeting is for the senior Death Eaters. You are not welcome here. I understand if you want to move up in the ranks of Death Eaters, but intruding upon an important meeting is not the best means by which to do so."

"Severus bowed from the waist, his skin prickling as the back of his neck because exposed to Voldemort. "Please, my Lord, I was unaware of the meeting. I sought only your mentorship and advice, and I knew that Borgin and Burkes was a sure place to reach you."

"Ah, am I such an incompetent wizard that a mere child is so _sure_ that he can find me? Me, the greatest wizard of all time? Straighten up, Snape, I want to see your face!" Voldemort commanded in high, ringing tones.

Severus obeyed, and as Voldemort's narrowed, snake-like eyes bored deep into his own, Severus felt memories flickering through his mind and for the first time knew what it was to be subjected to Legilimency. Severus concentrated hard on the mundane events of the day, refusing to think of anything that had significance, such as the Order. "Well, well, well, my boy. You've come to learn Occlumency? It's true, a spy ought to be armed with the power to conceal his thoughts… you're thorough, aren't you? My first Death Eater to think of it… Ah, but you don't like to be referred to as 'mine,' do you, Severus?" the Dark Lord observed as Snape gritted his teeth. "Good, a spark of identity and defiance is not bad in a boy like you. Leave humility to the Mudbloods and Blood Traitors. Occlumency, then. You could not find somebody willing at the school? … no, that would raise too many inquiries. Very well, I will teach you, as nobody else can. Fly away now, little bird, and leave me to my meeting. When your mark burns, it will be time for your lessons. We will meet in the storage room a Borgin and Burkes. If for some reason you cannot attend press you Dark Mark. In the mean time, empty your mind every night before you sleep, it is the first step to becoming an Occlumens."

Severus was late to breakfast. He had soared into the Owlry where he changed to his human form, and strode to the Great Hall as quickly as his long legs could carry him, but nevertheless every student was seated and ever teacher present at the High Table when Severus slipped into a seat at the end of the Slytherin table. He winced internally, a good Death Eater shouldn't be drawing attention to himself in such a manner. It would raise questions… Severus's eyes widened as he realized suddenly that he'd been thinking of himself as a "good Death Eater." _It doesn't mean anything, of course it doesn't,_ Severus thought anxiously to himself. _I'm a spy, I'm a double agent, I work for Dumbledore._ He then caught sight of Sirius's merry grin and Remus's gentle smile across the heads of the many students, and the worry in his mind dissipated. _Of course he wasn't becoming evil by joining the Death Eaters. He was helping in a way that no other Order member could. _He shook his head ruefully at his insecurities and then a smile tugged at the corners of his lips as his mind drifted to other thoughts while he observed how prettily Lily's blazing hair caught the light of the sunrise as it streamed in through the enchanted ceiling.

* * *

A/N: I haven't updated in ages - I know, I'm awful. This chapter is sort of different from the ones preceding it in that this is the first time that Severus _really _takes on his role as a spy, and I want to know what you thought of it, so please review, people!


	20. Crucio

**Crucio**

Severus was in Potions, the last class of the day, when a burning pain flashed through his left arm. He gripped it tightly with his hand, an automatic reflex nowadays, when his Dark Mark burned so often that his arm seemed to be always tingling. He squeezed his eyes shut tight, his knuckles white and the cords in his wrist standing out as his right hand clutched at the Dark Mark. _What was the Dark Lord thinking, sending for him for an Occlumency lesson in the middle of classes? _Another sharp pain suddenly flared in Severus's leg as James's foot kicked hard against him under the desk. Snape looked up and saw that Professor Slughorn was looking expectantly at him, having just asked a question that Severus hadn't heard.

"Essence of dittany," James whispered, and Severus blindly repeated the phrase. Slughorn smiled indulgently and said, "Well, my boy, I could have sworn you weren't paying attention, but it seems that I was in the wrong. Well done, and take ten points for Slytherin."

Severus offered James a sheepish, apologetic smile to James, who was gritting his teeth at the points the Slytherin hadn't deserved to earn. "Sorry about those points, James. No doubt you'll earn them back in a Quidditch match."

James's frown softened a bit at the flattery, but Remus said with a grave expression, "Who cares about that. You were grabbing you arm. Is it Voldemort?"

"Yes, and don't say the name," Severus muttered as his arm ached slightly at the mention of the Dark Lord's true name. "He wants me for Occlumency lessons now," Severus told them, thoughtlessly forgetting that he'd never previously mentioned that the most dangerous wizard of all time was going to be giving him lessons regularly. The other Marauders' outrage was instantaneous.

"What? That can't be good. Doesn't that give him better access to your mind while you're learning it?"

"You shouldn't do that, there must be other people who can teach you, Dumbledore would do it."

"How thick have you got to be, asking _him _to teach you, of all people!"

The last voice was Sirius's, and it was loud enough to carry to Slughorn's ears. "Mr. Black, I suggest that rather than shouting about your other teachers you should pay attention to me, unless you want today's potion to take after the mishap Mr. Pettigrew had yesterday," the professor admonished.

"Now you've done it, Padfoot," Snape hissed, while Sirius and James ducked their heads to conceal their snickering in remembrance of the abysmal, foul smelling potion that Peter Pettigrew had produced during their last class.

"Clam down, Prince, he doesn't know who we were talking about, he thinks I was talking about a Hogwarts teacher," Sirius said casually. "But," he frowned, growing more serious, "really, what were you thinking? You-Know-Who?"

"It's a good alibis," Severus countered. "It makes him think that I'm taking my mission of spying on Hogwarts Order members seriously, when really it's the other way around. Better that I'm learning Occlumency with him than making lists of Blood Traitors and Muggleborns for his minions of Snatchers to capture. I'm not actively helping him, I'm learning how to conceal from him that I'm spying for the Order, and he won't think I'm useless if he's aware that I'm learning Occlumency, supposedly for him. He was actually pleased that I thought of Occlumency, he said that I was the first Death Eater to suggest it."

"How long have you been doing this?" asked Remus, clearly still skeptical.

"Err… today will be the first lesson," Severus said, knowing that his seemingly iron-clad reasoning didn't stand given that he hadn't yet had a single lesson. The attention of the Marauders, however, was diverted from him as the class rose to begin on their potion.

Standing before his cauldron, Severus worked quickly to make his potion. If he finished early, Slughorn might let him off early and Severus could go to his Occlumency lesson. He shivered slightly to think of the Dark Lord's growing impatience as he waited at Borgin and Burkes, and then refocused on the potion as he observed Sirius mutilating the rat spleen they were using for a Shrinking Solution. "Watch it, Padfoot," he cautioned. "The instructions say to finely chop it, not to coarsely and carelessly destroy it."

"Oh, all right. I still don't see why we can't just cast a spell to cut it for us. My mum does in all her cooking."

"You can't because potions is more than foolish wand waving," Severus replied shortly, rolling his eyes.

"You ever considered being a potions teacher, Severus?" Lupin asked.

Seveus flushed slightly with pleasure, but answered, "No, I'd rather teach Defense." The other boys nodded in enthusiastic agreement, and as they did so, Sirius proceeded to carelessly tip his vial of leech juice into his cauldron. "That's too much!" Severus said, quickly taking hold of Sirius's wrist and tipping it back. "This is a potion third year ought to be able to do," Snape said, shaking his head with disappointment.

"Alright, _Professor _Snape," Lily said sarcastically over her shoulder from where she was working behind him. "We all know that your potions are far superior to ours."

Severus beamed up at her, and as he did so his hand slipped and he accidentally emptied the entire flask of his own leech juice into his potion. He swore softly under his breath as the potion hissed angrily and turned a shocking shade of orange, and set about restoring the potion, all hopes of leaving early to go to Occlumency lessons vanishing as he bent over the cauldron.

* * *

It was a solid hour later when Severus folded his dark wings against his body and dropped smoothly to the ground outside Borgin and Burkes. He entered the shop, looking around at the many frightening curiosities lining the shelves, and went up to the front desk, ringing the bell that stood upon it. A tall, hunchbacked man came bustling out of a back room, his arm full of what appeared to be skulls. "You're the Snape boy, I presume?" the man asked. Severus nodded, his mouth too dry to speak, and pressed his sweaty hands against each other. "Your Master is in that room off to the side," the storekeeper directed, gesturing with his chin, "and he certainly isn't happy that you've kept him waiting so long."

Severus walked over to the door, and knocked lightly with trepidation. "Come in. _Now_," a cold voice inside commanded. As Severus entered, the Dark Lord whirled around, his wand raised and pointed at Severus.

"I'm sorry I'm late, my Lord," Severus apologized instantly.

"_Crucio_!" Voldemorts voice rang out. Fire seemed to course through Severus's veins, everything was white-hot, his vision blurred as pain he had never imagined possible burst through his body. Severus was lifted off the ground by the force of the spell, writhing in the air, his body slamming against the wall at the end of the room before crumpling on the floor. Voldemort lowered his wand and the pain vanished. Severus stood, trembling and shaken but otherwise unhurt. His body was tingling from the aftershock of the pain, but this gradually faded as Voldemort fixed him with a snakelike stare. Severus looked back, trying to anticipate if that horrible pain was going to return.

"You have the audacity to look at me?" Voledmort's voice rang out. "I agree to spend my time on you, son of a Blood Traitor, useless child, and you repay me by ignoring my summons for a favor you requested of me, and then you have the nerve to enter this room and expect that a mere 'sorry' will suffice? You have much to learn, naïve child."

"My deepest apologies, my Lord, it was unacceptable of me, it will not happen again."

"_Do not lie to me_!" Voldemort shrieked, and Severus was burning again, his back pressed against the wall as that liquid fire coursed through his body again. Severus gritted his teeth and refused to give Voldemort the pleasure of hearing him scream. Just as suddenly and unexpectedly as the pain had begun, the curse was lifted again. Severus stood, looking submissively at the floor, his body drenched in a cold sweat.

"You tell me it will not happen again. But what if I summon you during the school day again? You will not be able to attend. Do not offer false reassurances to try to pacify me, Severus! Tell me the truth, and if you are not man enough to face the consequences of your truth then you would do well to accept death rather than remain a Death Eater. Now, shall we proceed to the lessons?"

Severus nodded his head shakily.

"_Answer me_!"

"Yes, my Lord," Severus whispered, adding a low bow for good measure. "I have been emptying my mind before I sleep, as you instructed."

"Good. _Legilimens_!"

With no time to prepare for the spell, Severus found his mind again being penetrated, memories passing in a blur until one of them came into sharper focus in the forefront of Severus's mind. Severus retained the presence of mind necessary to block out anything pertaining to the Marauders or the Order, and was relieved when the memory was one from his fifth year. In the memory, Severus was walking stealthily through the castle, his footsteps echoing softly in the entrance hall. The memory-Snape slipped up to the great oaken doors and slid through them, clearly trying to sneak out of the castle at night. He began to run towards the edge of the Forbidden Forest. The sky was a dusky blue, and a full moon was rising over the crests of the trees. A tortured howl ripped through the twilight stillness, making goosebumps stand out on Snape's skin as he relived the memory.

Severus, watching the memory flash through his mind, realized with horror that on that day he'd been sneaking out to try to find Remus transforming into a werewolf with his Animagi friends, hoping to get the Marauders thrown out of Hogwarts. Severus frantically tried to push Voldemort out of his mind, thinking vaguely that it might be dangerous for Voldemort to know that Remus was a werewolf and James and Sirius were Animagi. He gritted his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to close his mind. A sudden surge of loyalty to his friends rose up in him, and it was as though as wall had abruptly been erected in his mind. The memory stopped and Severus saw only darkness. He realized that his eyes were shut, and opened them to find himself on his knees, he fists clenched and a sheen of sweat on his face. Voldemort was staring at him with something like akin to awe on his snakelike face.

"That was very, very, good for a first time, Severus," Voldemort said slowly, his eyes becoming calculating. "I am a lucky man to have to on my side. Imagine your potential if I had not just tortured you earlier."

Severus couldn't help it, his face hardened into a mask of anger. He was not a toy to be experimented with, a tool that happened to work better when treated nicely. "Thank you, my Lord," Severus said flatly, having to force the words from his throat. He bowed from his waist. "I appreciate most deeply the honor of your compliments." His voice was transparently phony, he'd overdone it, even Severus himself could hear how it sounded almost sarcastic. He braced himself for a Crucio that seemed imminent.

It didn't come. Severus chanced a glance upward at the Dark Lord's face, and saw a smile. It was a twisted smile, but a smile none the less, Voldemort's lips pulling upwards and his eyes sparkling. Severus realized with a jolt that Voldemort regarded himself so highly that Severus's words made perfect sense to Voldemort. Severus returned his gaze respectfully to the floor.

"Rise," Voldemort commanded in an imperious tone. "Severus, you have done well. I would not expect such results from by best Death Eaters, let alone a Mudblood. Return to Hogwarts now, before your absence is noticed, and next time I expect that I will summon you at a more convenient time."

Severus bowed again so that Voldemort couldn't see the disgusted look on his face as he realized that the Dark Lord had purposefully called for him during class just for a reason to punish him. But he was learning Occlumency at last, properly learning it, and that was worth all of it, even the Crucio. With a popping noise, Severus transformed back into a raven and spread his wings to soar back to Hogwarts.

* * *

A/N: I know it's been ages since I last updated, sorry about that. Thanks for sticking with me. This chapter was weird to write, it's difficult for me to write Voldemort's dialogue since I have trouble imagining him saying anything other than "Avada Kedavra," and I had issues describing the Crucio curse. So I hope it turned out alright. I feel like this story moves too fast and doesn't have a good balance between Snape's friendship with the Marauders and all the "bigger picture" stuff going on, so I tried to put a bit of both in this chapter. Anyway, I hope you liked it and this chapter is dedicated to Krissyy.


	21. Flying Lessons

**Flying Lessons**

Severus tipped one of his glossy black wings toward the ground and flexed his shoulder muscles, rolling smoothly into a sideways glide downwards. He caught sight of three figures standing at the fringe of the school grounds, two tall boys and a shorter, more diminutive one. If Severus had been in his human form his face would have broken into a grin, but instead his beak opened slightly and he emitted a low whistling call. The Marauders were waiting for him. Wanting to show off a bit, Severus allowed his body to swoop lower than he normally would and pulled levelly into a steep dive over the waters of the Black Lake, skimming low over the surface in imitation of James's most popular Quidditch move, stretching one talon down and allowing it to graze the glassy surface of the water, sending a spray of water that arced out behind him and sparkled as the droplets caught the soft yellow glow of the late afternoon light. Severus snapped his wings out flat against the wind to slow down, and swung his talons forward to grip the soil. Once on the ground Severus folder his wings neatly against his body and appeared in human form, laughing at the amazed expressions on his friends faces. It took quite a feat to impress the Marauders, and Snape couldn't help but feel smug.

"We," James said decisively, "are going to teach you how to fly."

"I can fly! What did you call that?"

"No, Prince. You are going to learn how to fly on a broom."

Severus froze. He remembered all too well his flying lessons in first year, an embarrassing weekly ordeal punctuated by harsh insults that James had unfailingly thrown at him. Severus was suddenly haunted by the memory of jeering laughter as an unruly broomstick bucked belligerently under his body. "I think not."

"Oh, come on! It'll be fun."

"I took elementary flying classes," Severus said flatly. "Surely _you_ remember that, _Potter_?"

James bit his lip, looking uncharacteristically daunted. "Err, yeah, I remember, mate. But I mean it, you're so good with wings, why not on a broom?"

"It doesn't concern you that you'd be strengthening Slytherin's flying skills?" Severus asked slyly, mounting a different angle of attack.

James snorted. "You wish. We can crush your House regardless. And I know you wouldn't join the team anyway."

"Give him a break," Remus muttered to Severus. "He just wants to show off. After five minutes he'll be putting on a show for us and you just have to watch and look impressed. I speak from experience."

"I know," Severus said, smirking slightly. "Alright, let's go."

Shortly afterwards, Severus stood in the center of the Quidditch pitch with his right hand outstretched over the broom lying on the ground. "Up?" he said hesitantly, unwittingly turning it into a question. A few bristles of the broom twitched, but the handle was still.

James shook his head with disapproval and said, "No, you have to mean it. It's like…" James searched for an analogy that Snape would understand. "It's like the Unforgivable curses. You have to _want _the broom to obey you. You have to _know_ that it will."

"But I don't know that…" Severus pointed out, but trailed off and looked at the broom with the sort of intensity with which he regarded his Occlumency. "UP!" To his amazement, the broom rose and the handle settled firmly into his palm.

Sirius snickered at the shocked expression on Severus's face, but Snape only muttered "Shove it," in a tone lacking any real malice, and swung one of his long legs over the broom.

"Kick off," James instructed as if it was the most simple thing in the world. Severus shifted his weight onto his left leg, and then shoved off as hard as he could with his other foot. He rose a few feet in the air, and then snatched his hands off the broom in surprise. The handle, no longer being guided into the air, dipped down and Severus dropped like wet fabric to the ground. He looked up, waiting for James to say what he'd done wrong.

"Try again."

* * *

Half an hour later, Severus was seated in the bleachers at the edge of the Quidditch pitch, his Ancient Runes homework balanced on his knee, looking up from it every once in a while to cheer on James and Sirius, who were both high in the air on broomsticks, weaving dangerously close to each other as they competed to capture the stolen snitch. Severus shared a knowing grin with Remus, who was next to him, also doing homework interjected by a few shouts of praise for the boys in the air.

"I hope you lose that Snitch," Severus called out as he leafed through the charts full of foreign symbols.

"As if," James yelled back casually, not taking his eyes off the field.

Moments later a sudden cry went up from Sirius, and Severus looked up to see him circling the pitch, his fist uplifted and clenched around the struggling snitch. James and Sirius both descended, and scrambled up the bleacher to where Severus and Remus sat. Sirius, flushed from exertion and dripping with sweat mock-punched James's shoulder lightly and said teasingly, "Too bad we're in the seventh year, Prongs - otherwise I'd give you a run for your Galleons at the Quidditch tryouts next year."

James rolled his eyes patronizingly, refusing to be flustered. "I could've had the snitch thirty seconds into it. I totally let you win."

"I know you did," Sirius answered. "But a guy can dream, mate. You have your own set of impractical desires." Sirius cast a pointed look at Lily, who was lounging with a group of friends in the grass by the lake.

"Hey! I'm not dreaming!" James protested vehemently. "Lily and I've been talking lately."

Severus's head snapped up at this and he cleared his throat gruffly before rising to gather his books, biting his lip and frowning. "I'm going up to dinner - I'll see you all later," he said, his voice closed off, cold.

As he trudged across the grounds back to the castle, Severus looked back a few times, glancing between James and Lily, trying to loosen the sour knot of jealousy in his stomach.

* * *

A/N: So I know this chapter was basically just fluff, but I felt like I should lighten the mood after the ominous tone of the last chapter, and I love having the Marauders hanging out together. Also, I've been told to make the fact that Snape loves Lily more clear, so I tried to do that at the end of the chapter. Anyway, I've never really tried to write fluff before, so I hope it was as much fun for you all to read as it was for me to write. Thanks for reading, and please tell me what you thought!


	22. Company

**Company**

As weeks and then months passed, flowers sprung from the ground, rained poured down, summer break approached rapidly, and Severus became accustomed to the now constant ache in his bones. It was worth it, though, on the day when Voldemort's cry of "_Legilimens!_" did nothing, and the wall Severus had constructed in his mind staved off the attacks of the most dangerous wizard of all time. _Crucios_ still burned through his flesh, and he still woke in cold sweats, shivering as he jerked out of dreams filled with Voldmort's deadened, crimson glare. Severus yearned to feel normal again, to have one day, just one, of being any other Hogwarts student, not a Death Eater or a double agent. He had thought he'd been different from the other students before. Now, his weight loss and the shadows under his eyes from sleepless nights, not to mention the strain on his mind, set him further apart from the rest of the school than he'd ever been before. Severus had never anticipated a Saturday more than the one on the coming Hogsmeade weekend, especially because it was also a full moon. The simpler emotions and thoughts of his animal form was a welcome respite for his pained body and taxed mind.

It was with relief and excitement that he donned his robes and set out to find his and the other Marauder's meeting place by one of the hidden corridors leading into Hogwarts. He slipped through the castle, feeling invisible and being thankful for it. In between becoming a Marauder and a Death Eater, he'd ceased to become a subject of scorn, and yet had escaped the notoriety the other Marauders oddly enjoyed. Slytherins respected him for actively supporting the Dark Lord, while the members of the other houses ceased to pester him without the leadership of James. Severus made his way to breakfast and eyed the table hungrily, nearly drooling at the sight of scrambled eggs and kippers and oatmeal and toast.

He had made his way through three slices of toast and was beginning on some sausages when the owl post came fluttering in through the windows of the Great Hall. Severus had long ago ceased to be stung at his lack of mail - his father wouldn't permit them to own an owl, and his mother worked too hard to make trips to the post office unless it was absolutely necessary. He was therefore surprised when a small grey feathered owl fluttered up to him and pecked at his wrist rather sharply.

Severus's brow furrowed and he reached to prod the bird slightly with a forefinger. "Go find your owner," he murmured, poking at it again when the owl failed to move.

The bird nipped at his finger rather impatiently and thrust his talon out, cocking it's head as if to wonder why humans were so utterly slow on the uptake.

Severus rolled his eyes and took the envelop, flipping it over to see who the letter actually belonged to. His slight confusion turned to concern when he saw that the envelop bore his name, written in the fine, spidery script of his mother.

The owl hooted rather mockingly and took off, taking care to clip Severus's head with a wing as it made its way out of the Great Hall.

Severus broke open the seal and pulled out a small scrap of paper, biting his lip.

_Severus, _he read anxiously,

_I've been worried about you. You seemed different when you wrote this Christmas, and in spite of what you like to try to convince me, you're not old enough to take care of yourself on your own._

Severus grinned slightly; the sharp, direct nature of the note was undercut with a loving concern that only he would ever be able to discern in his mother.

_It's time I see you for myself. I'm going to meet you at 10:00 in Hogsmeade on the outside of the village - and don't you dare think about not coming._

_Don't forget,_

_~ Mother_

Severus folded the paper and slipped it into his pocket as McGonagall called for all the students going to Hogsmeade, fingering the edge of the parchment while he made his way over to the doors of the Great Hall and scanned the crowd of excited students for Sirius, James, and Remus. Once he found them, he followed them to Zonko's Joke Shop, where Sirius and James heavily deplete their stocks of dung bombs and left with their pockets laden with tricks and pranks.

They were walking down the lane towards the Three Broomsticks when Severus remembered the time and glanced at his watch - he was already seven minutes late to meet his mother. "I have to go," he said, turning to the boys. "I'll meet up with you in a bit?"

"What have you got to do?" Remus asked, mildly curious. "We don't mind keeping you company."

"I can't have company," Severus said, not realizing until after the words were out how sharp they'd sounded. He felt himself flush - his need to hide his mother had been so ingrained, such a reflex, that he hadn't even thought what it meant. A moment later, though, he was sure it had been the right decision. These Gryffindors would know nothing about what it meant to be ashamed of one's own family.

"It's stuff for the Order," Severus mumbled, the lies not as easy as he'd anticipated after having months of Occlumency lessons.

"Come on!" James said, nudging Severus in the ribs. "Don't go all secretive on us again. We know how to keep our mouths shut - right, Padfoot, Moony?"

Just then, there was a shifting motion in the bushes at the edge of the lane, and a jet of red light shot past the boys. "It's a Blood Traitor!" came a shout, and out rushed a pair of masked, Death Eaters.

Severus's gaze followed them and settled, in horror, on his mother, waiting for him, seated on a stone wall, looking up wildly in terror as the spell caused her wand to fly out of her hand and towards the black-clad figured hurtling towards her.

In an instant, she screamed, Severus shouted, and he was off, running down the path towards her, vaguely aware of other people yelling and his friends following on his heels. "_Stupefy_!" Severus screamed, and one of the Death Eater's fell.

"_Filipendo_!" James yelled, and the other Death Eater was knocked off his feet.

Severus reached his mother and wedged himself in front of her, hissing at her to Disapparate, and spreading his arms before her, realizing as he did so that his body was able to shield hers, that he was no longer the scrawny, friendless, bookish boy he'd been when he first rode the Hogwarts Express, but rather a grown, brave man who stood up for what was important.

"Get out of the way," his mother said, trying to push Severus aside as one of the Death Eaters struggled back onto his feet and lifted his wand, leveling it at Severus.

"_Expelliarmus_!" the masked man shouted again, and Severus's wand sprang from his grasping fingertips into the Death Eater's hand. "Now let us get to the Blood Traitor."

"Kill me first," Severus snarled into the Death Eater's face.

"_Avada-_"

Suddenly Professor McGonagall came running down the lane, her robes flaring out impressively behind her, and silent spells shot from her wand, the Death Eaters both crumpling to the ground, and cords binding their hands and legs.

"I will manage this from here, boys," she said, her voice shaken but sure.

Severus's muscles collapsed, and he leaned back against his mother, not caring anymore who was present to see him do so. Her thin arms wrapped around him from behind and held him close, and Severus melted into her touch, not able to remember the last time he'd allowed himself to be embraced.

Suddenly, other hands were on him, too, thumping him on the shoulder and shaking his limp hand. Severus looked up to see his friends, beaming at him.

"This what you really had to come and do, wasn't it?" Sirius asked, looking from Snape to his mother and nodding politely to her.

"Yeah," Severus panted. "I just- I didn't want-" he shook his head, unable to find the words to explain.

"We understand," Remus spoke up quietly.

"You could have told us," Sirius added.

"Forget that!" James interrupted in amazement. "That was wicked! You're the bravest among us! Remind me again why you're not in Gryffindor?"

They boys all laughed, and as Severus joined in and introduced his friends to his mother, he knew that he would never be alone again.

* * *

A/N: I know - I haven't updated in almost a year. But there was a reason for that. I've grown as a writer, and, more importantly, as a person, and this story was no longer suited to who I became. It was my first ever fanfiction and it was a great way to beginning contributing to this site. But I want to take my writing in other directions now, and I couldn't bear to leave an unfinished story, or to delete what brought me here in the first place. So instead, I wrote this chapter, which is - admittedly - a rough and abrupt end to this story. However, it does now feel complete to me, and I am happy and eager to bring this story to a close and move onto new ones. Thank you for being wonderful readers, and I hope that some of you will follow me to the new stories I am working on.

Yours always,  
- Nettie Moore


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